The table and pie chart show the both sexes consumer satisfaction of a new shopping location in NZ

The diagrams illustrate the combination between tables and pie chart which show the both sexes consumer satisfaction of a novel shopping location in Auckland, New Zealand in 4 levels between shops and restaurants. Overall, it can be seen that people are satisfied with a new shopping area while is dominated by man in restaurants.

With regards tables, man is the highest satisfied shoppers in restaurants, in the same category is 37 women. Very satisfied in restaurant is dominated by 27 females, followed by 25 males who are the small number of dissatisfied. More than 20 girls are dissatisfied in restaurant. In addition, the number of satisfied man in shops is higher than female, at 45 and 37 respectively, followed by 34 females are very satisfied which half of that proportion is males. Like woman, the numbers of dissatisfied man are 20. Interestingly, there is no more than 20 people who are no comment in shops and restaurant either each.

Turning to pie chart, the first-rank rate is satisfied at more than three-fifths in which 17% people are very dissatisfied, followed by almost the same rate between dissatisfied and no comment at 11 and one-ten percent respectively.

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whats app liv your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your body paragraph.

this essay will be get high score for the following reasons :
1) The chart is clearly introduced
2) There is an overview which identifies the main features of the chart
3) The response clearly organization.
> the last sentence in the introduction makes it clear how the graph is organized.
> the first sentence of each paragraph identifies how the paragraph are organized.
4) There is a mix of sentence types with examples of subordination.
5) mix the comparison situation :
women spend the most time >>>> slight more man and women.


I hope that you make minimal 3 sentence every in body paragraph, I am sorry i could not see your picture well and give my opinions in the second body paragraph.

Lily, there are many things that you should consider. Fortunately, one of them was already given by wahyu regarding to the minimum criteria for a solid paragraph. Then, grammar is also essential. The more accurate your grammar, the more understandable your sentence/paragraph/essay. Remember that if you aim band 6 or band 7 as your target, reduce your grammatical errors to the lowest level possible. Or, perhaps you can try to make sentence per sentence as clear as possible. Now, for the description of your grammatical issue, mind the corrections below:

- the both sexes consumer satisfaction based on gender
- Overall, it can be seen that, people (comma is necessary)
- ...area whilethat/which is dominated by manmale . (I am not sure 'man' is the proper one, I think 'male' is better or 'men' (plural))

- With regards to tables,
- man is the highest satisfied shoppers(at first you mention 'man' as singular, but 'shoppers' as plural)
- , whilein the same category is 37 women.
- the small number of dissatisfied shoppers . (incomplete, needs 'noun')
- satisfied man in shops is higher than female(please make an appropriate combination, male(s) vs female(s), man/men vs woman/women)
- the numbers of dissatisfiedmen who are dissatisfied .

There you are Lily, I hope these corrections will help your future enhancement in writing.

Keep writing and Good Luck! :)