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IELTS WRITING TASK 1, Table of Proportion of children in Australia


The table provides the data of the proportion of children delivered by women with the age of 40-44 in 1981. Overall, it can be seen that the woman delivering children with none, one child, and two children chategories experienced an increasing trend, while the reverse witnessed in the remaining data.

The two children category was dominated in 1981 and was followed by The one and the none child chategories. However, in the next 25 years of the growth of children, The two children still dominated in 38,3% while the none children in 15,9% which opposited the one children chategories in 15,9%.

On the other hand, the four or more and the three children category grew up in 1981. Nevertheless, the three children chategory had experienced to increase gradually from 27,4 to 21,5% in 2006 while the four or more children chategory declined moderately from 27,6 to 11,0% in 2006.




Hallo Mahayyun Mappare, Good Evening. I will try to give you some suggest.
Here there are :

Overall, it can be seen that ...

it is better that :
Overall, it can clearly seen that the woman who delivere children at one child and two children, also the women who did not had a child experienced an increasing trend, while the other categories showed opposite trend.

The two children category was dominated in 1981 and it was followed by the one and the none child chategories.the women who did not had child and the women had a child became the second and the third highest proportion respectively.

Hope you much success.
Regard.
Hy Mahayyun Mappare, good afternoon, i have some corrections in grammatical of your writing.

The table provides the data of the proportion of children delivered by women with the age of 40-44 in 1981.

the correction, this sentences is not clear enough, if you want to use the complex sentence and to make easier for reader to read your writing, you should use conjuction in this sentences.

like this one (The table provides the data of the proportion of children which were ever born by women in Australia with the age of 40-44 in 1981

Thanks
Hope you much success.
Regard.
I hope I can add some correction for your writing,

First I will correction your spelling.
1. "chategories " must {categories}
2. "chategory " must {category}
3. "opposited " must {opposite}
4. "none children " you can use {no child} or {none}

Secondly, I will try to correct your body paragraph
In the first line in the second paragraph, you talk about the dominated data. I think it must be mention in the first paragraph as the overview. and you can not write "in the next 25 years " before you tell the reader about the first data of that categories.

In the overview, you wrote about the none, one child, and two children had increased trend. But in the last sentence of the second paragraph, you say "none opposite with one child ". I think it will be a different fact from the first paragraph and the second paragraph. and I think the data of the one child is wrong too.

So, I will try to make a better paragraph for you.

{The two children category was dominated in 1981 and was followed by the one and the no child categories which had 29%, 7.6%, and 8.5% in a row. However, in the next 25 years of the growth of children, The two children still dominated the data by 38.3% while the none and one child in 15.9% and 13.2% respectively.}

Third, For the last paragraph it just a little mistake I think.
In your writing, you tell us "... the three children category grew up in 1981" I do not know the data was growing up. Because in the in 1981 is the first year, so it impossible to say grew when we do not have the comparative data. And it will be not connected with the next sentence. I think it should make a new sentence. You write the three children was increased in the third paragraph. but, you write the data "from 27.4 to 21.5 " it will be opposite data.

I think I will make a new paragraph to complete this.

{On the other hand, the data of four or more and the three children category in 1981 almost the same. Which one the three children category had experienced to decrease gradually from 27,4 to 21,5% in 2006 while the four or more children category declined moderately from 27,6 to 11,0% in 2006.}


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