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a Table about proportion of female & male genders in sports


sssenyoritaa 2 / 4  
Aug 19, 2014   #1
The table provides information about proportion of both genders who took part in sport acting during approximately one month in U.K around 2002. The company was made between five different sport categories.

Overall, participation of men in these five various types of extreme sports were much greater than women. For instance, the boys participants in Cue sports were five times the number of girls participants. Moreover, compare with the percentage of females, more than twice as many males participated in cycling. Although over 50% male-genders involved in one activity or more, female-genders involving in it was considerable high also (around 50%).

Exceptionally, average of girls in Yoga and keeping fit sports were far greater than average of boys who involved in it. At the bottom of the list, swimming proportion for both genders was almost similar. Same pattern was seen in Walking-sports. Undoubtedly, involvements of men in extreme sports were mostly common rather than women.

milamiller 4 / 6 5  
Aug 19, 2014   #2
Firstly, you should have uploaded the table so it is easier to check.

The table provides information about proportion of both genders who tooktaking part part in sport actingactivities during approximately(approximately sounds odd here) one month in theU.K(you better write United Kingdom)aroundin 2002. The companycompany? may be comparison? was made between five different sport categories. You should have named the categories.

Overall, participation of men in these five various types of extreme sports were much greater than womenmore men participated in extreme sports than women . For instance, the number ofboysmale participants in Cue sports werewas five times the number of girlsfemale participants. MoreoverIn addition , compare with the percentage of females, more than twice as many males participated in cyclingmore than twice as many males than females participated in cycling . (why don't you present the concrete info? ). Although over 50% male-genders involved in one activity or more, female-genders involving in it was considerable high also (around 50%).Incoherent centence

Exceptionally, the average of women in Yoga and keeping fit sports werewasfarmuch greater than the average of boysmenwho involved in itthese types of spots . At the bottom of the list, swimming proportion for both genders was almost similar.There was asmost the same number of both male and female participants in swimming . Same pattern was seen is in Walking-sports followed the same pattern as swimming . Undoubtedly, involvements of men in extreme sports werewas mostly common rather than that of women.

You should use concrete numbers when writing an essay for IELTS Task 1 because it is what essay-checker expects you to do.
Be careful when structuring centences because incoherence will cost you points and will affect your band score.
Consider reading more samples of other students' essays because it will help you to impove your writing skills.
You can find bunch of books about writing for IELTS in the Internet which are absolutely gratis.

Best wishes, Mila
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 20, 2014   #3
Firstly, you should have uploaded the table so it is easier to check.

Yes, I agree with milamiller. Without seeing your table, it is quite difficult for us to verify the validity of your statements. Upload the table using the "Attach file(s)" feature in the Message block.

The table provides information about proportion of both genders who took part in sport actingactivitiesduring approximately one month(this is not very clear to me .... without seeing your table, I cannot understand what you mean by this ) in U.K around 2002.

The company was made between five different sport categories.

.... this one has some major grammar issues :( ... Upload your table and then we would be able to give you our suggestions :)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Aug 20, 2014   #4
Firstly, you should have uploaded the table so it is easier to check.

I agree with both advisors above. Attach file menu is provided above the written box while you start a new treat.

the boys participants in Cue sports were five times higher than the number of girls participants

Moreover, compare with the percentage of females, more than twice as many males participated in cycling

The punctuation using is not appropriate to me. Common pattern is subject,appositive,verb.

I have similar problem with you, as my English is still not fluent and natural. I suggest you to read as many as authentic English writing such as journal, newspaper or magaines. It benefits for us to improve our English.

Good luck and keep writing.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,197 460  
Aug 20, 2014   #5
For instance,

It is not necessary to provide an example for ielts task 1. Your task is to present this report with formal tone.

Same pattern was seen in Walking-sports

This figure created the same trend as walking-sports.

To help you successfully through the IELTS writing task 1, go get this site: ieltsbuddy(dot)com
Then, write and submit your report writing here with the picture of the graph :D


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