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The table shows the the demand for bananas and coffee in 5 countries over a 6 year period


Katerina0686 1 / -  
Jul 27, 2016   #1
Writing task 1 for ielts pie chart. Hi I'm a new member here in the forum, can i ask someone to check it?

The table shows the sales fair trade labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries over a 6 year period from 1999 to 2004.

In 1999, Switzerland has the most largest sales of coffee with 3 million euros while U.K and Denmark have just .3 million in difference. Sweden had the least demand of o.8 million euros only.however by the year 2004 U.K had significantly increased by Almost 20 million euros as per transaction. Denmark was also added half a million. on the other hand Belgium and Sweden with both 2 million in respectively.

Meanwhile the demand for bananas during 1999,Switzerland has shared with 15 million euros while Belgium with just 0.8 million. By the year 2004 both countries sharply increased with three-fourths of enterprise. Also U.K, Sweden and Denmark significantly arose with more than 5 million euros.

In conclusion, both banana and coffee had increased its demand over a period of 6 years.

160 words.

gabrieloandco 10 / 11 11  
Jul 27, 2016   #2
I don't want to be too harsh on you, but there are many grammar mistakes in this writing.

In 1999, Switzerland has the most largest sales
You must use "had", you are talking about an event in the past.

while U.K and Denmark have just .3 million in difference
Same as the above, you must use past tense.

only.H owever
Remember to use uppercase correctly after a period.

O n the other hand , Belgium and Sweden with both 2 million in respectively.
The same as the above, and a comma is missing. Remember, when you use a connector at the beginning of the sentence you must sperate it with a comma.

.H owever , by the year 2004 U.K had significantly
Exactly the same problem as the above.

increased by A lmost 20 million euros
There's no reason whatsoever for that to have an upper case.

Meanwhile the demand for bananas during 1999,Switzerland has shared with 15 million euros while Belgium with just 0.8 million
The structure of this sentence is totally incorrect, it should be something like:
"Regarding the demand for bananas during 1999, Switzerland has shared with 15 million euros while Belgium just with 0.8 million"

I strongly suggest you to study a bit more of English grammar before presenting the IELTS.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 28, 2016   #3
Hi Katerina, welcome to EF!

I can see that it is quite problematical for a new member to attach the necessary image about IELTS task 1. Is it difficult to upload them? I do believe that it was quite easy. Nevertheless, uploading / attaching picture will ease the reader to read and check your essay. I hope that you can post the image for the next practice (IELTS Task 1).

With regards to your essay, I would like to focus on giving you some suggestions related to the paragraph building. A well-developed essay in IELTS task 1 is an essay which has solid paragraphs. When you read your first sentence of your essay, can you call it as a paragraph? I think it is a big NO. You need to know that a solid paragraph should consist at least 3 sentences. As I can see, you didn't have any problems with paragraph building for your second and third paragraph. I would like to give your brief explanation about how to write a good and solid introduction paragraph in below description:

- 1st sentence = paraphrase the question (preferably in passive form)
- 2nd and/or 3rd sentence = write the measurement (it can be either "x-axis" or "y-axis") and the overview of the graph.

Overview is the most important part if you want to reach band 6 or above. If you don't write an overview or perhaps you've written it but it is unclear, you can only reach 5.0 or maximum 5.5 in IELTS task 1. Therefore, I suggest you to not forget it in the next practice :)


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