Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

[WRITING TASK 1] The table shows the export values of various products in 2009 and 2010.

tan_ho 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2021   #1

The table gives information about the amount of money generated from the exporting of different products in the two years 2009 and 2010.
It can be seen that total export values increased, despite some forward trends in categories of clothing and manufacturing. The most significant change came in the metals category.

In 2009, equipment made up nearly one third of total export value, at 10.3 billion HK dollars, which ranked first among all products. However, with an increase of 61% in the value of goods sent to foreign countries, telecommunity products made the largest contribution to total value, with 12.7 billion HK dollars in 2010. 2010 also witnessed the most significant change in money coming from exporting metals, by 122%, from 2.3 billion to 5.1 billion.

The amount of money received from exporting clothing and manufacturing decreased 17% and 27% respectively. As a result, clothing and manufacturing contributed less to the total value of exports in 2010 compared to the year before.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,584 3758  
Sep 11, 2021   #2
The writer did not refer to the comparison changes that were indicated in the chart for both years. The percentage of data changes year on year shows the trending growth or shrinkage of each sector. This information is a must for the presentation within the trending paragraph. I sense that the writer did not include it in the presentation due to an uncertainty about how to use the changes report. The changes should be presented last. As a comparison final sentence for the years indicated. The report is incomplete without the reference /analysis of the degree of changes. Always present an equal number of sentences per paragraph. An academic paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences. The 3rd paragraph does not represent a valid academic analysis as it is short in sentence count.
hahalolo 1 / 5  
Sep 14, 2021   #3
Despite some forward trends in categories ...
forward should be replaced by downward
Goldengoat 4 / 8  
Sep 14, 2021   #4
I suggest that you replace "categories of clothing and manufacturing" with "clothing and manufacturing categories"

Home / Writing Feedback / [WRITING TASK 1] The table shows the export values of various products in 2009 and 2010.