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IELTS Task 1 : the table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries 1930-1980

Sep 9, 2018   #1

the imprisonment rate in some countries across the world

The bar chart illustrates the numbers for imprisonment over a period of 50 years in Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, United State, and Canada. They pivot represents amounts of prisoners in thousands.

Five countries from 1930 to 1980 show some dramatic fluctuations, such as New Zealand, its prisoners come to 100,000 in 1930, then in 1940 fall in 55,000, and in 1950 fall again to 50,000. For the other three, year 1960. 1970, and 1980 New Zealand bear 65,000, 70,000, and 90,000 prisoners respectively.

In 1970, 95,000 is amount for imprisons of United State, to 135,000 in 1980, the highest of all five countries. While Canada bear prisoners in the range of 120,000 in 1930 to 85,000 in 1970.

Great Britain's prisoners ranged from 85,000, its highest number in 1980, to 30,000 in 1930, the lowest of all five countries. Likewise, prisons of Australia in the range of 70,000 in 1930, to 45,000 in 1950.

HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Sep 10, 2018   #2
Hi Asih,
I'm unsure about the prompt but I think, there should be a comparison in those countries that base on the figures provided.
+ What is the year that has the lowest and highest number? And in that year, which country presents the lowest number and which one shows the highest

+ In the year 1970, the figures of imprisonment are almost the same in 3 countries => the fluctuation numbers of these 3 countries before 1970
+ Which countries that remains unchange
+ which countries that rapidly increase
In my opinion, the paragraphs in your writing need to be connected together
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,210 3650  
Sep 10, 2018   #3
Asih, you need to look at the Task 1 writing samples at this forum in order to learn how to properly write your essay. Read the samples, understand what mistakes were made, and learn from the advice given for the corrections of the errors. Apply the advice to your future practice tests in order to improve your writing skills.

Just writing more than the word count without any actual analysis and substance to your presentation shows a mechanical understanding of the image you were provided. All of your sentences are extremely long. These are called run-on sentences and need to be avoided when writing Task 1 and 2 essays. You will get points deductions in the LR, C&C and GRA sections if your paragraphs are less than understandable and have problems with vocabulary usage and sentence development.

You need to present the information in individual sentences over 4 paragraphs. Anywhere between 3-5 sentences will be sufficient for this task. In actuality, your writing sounds like a very bad version of Google Translate. I think you were not really thinking in English, which made it difficult for you to write the correct English words for this essay.

Don't just present the data, analyze it. What does the data mean? Why is this data important? What is the trend? What should the reader learn from the information you are presenting as a summary analysis? These are questions that the Task 1 essay must respond to.

You need to become more familiar with English vocabulary and word usage in order to show some improvement in your writing ability. Right now, your writing skills do not instill much confidence that you are anywhere near a writing level that will allow you pass the Task 1 essay test.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Sep 11, 2018   #4
Hi Asih, since many advice have been given regarding your cohesion and logical overview, I would just focus on grammatical structure and suggest a way to write the task one.

......year 1960. 1970, and 1980.....

In 1970, 95,000 is amount......
is the amount
Since you are talking specifically about this portion, "the" as determiner has to be placed in.

While Canada bear prisoners......
Starting with 'While' means that you are creating a subordinate sentence. Without an independent sentence to embed it, you make that sentence to be a run-on sentence.

While Canada bear prisoners....
bears. You should treat it as the third person pronoun.

In order to write a better academic task one essay, you will need to pick some of the obvious features, and then compare them with the variant of other data.

For example, the prisoners who had been locked up in the United state were the highest in numbers compared to all the other three nations.

Now, you have created a topic sentence for yourself to talk about in that paragraph. Look for any differences in the illustration and place them in your paragraphs explicitly without merely presenting the data.

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