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The table subordinate to Somecoutry's people


Ammapurnamasari 2 / 5  
May 15, 2014   #1
The table subordinate to demonstrate the process of Somecoutry's people to expended their money during 2001-2006.

It can be clearly seen that in 2001, persons of Somecoutry spent their money to bonds were about $100 billions and stock were about $210 billions. Between 2002 and 2003, excalation of stocks were not much about $126 billions until $227 billions. However, in same year, bonds were increasing about $123 billions until $157 billions. In 2004, stocks were growing faster than 2003 about $289 billions and more faster in 2005 and 2006 were about $297 billions until $311 billions. While bonds also increased annually, even though were not growing faster same as stocks. In 2004, bonds increased about $162 billions, in 2005 was about $179 billions, and in 2006 was $188 billions.

Conclution, bonds and stocks were increasing every year during 2001-2006.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 15, 2014   #2
Well, it is important for us to understand why you wrote this essay. Is this for IELTS Task 1? If so, you should have uploaded the table using the Attach file(s) feature in the Message Block. It is very difficult for us to provide you with some meaningful feedbacks without knowing the purpose of writing and also without seeing other supporting material like tables, diagrams, graphs etc.
OP Ammapurnamasari 2 / 5  
May 16, 2014   #3
Thank you very much Dumi for your comments on my writing. I'm new comer in EF, so may be I still do not understand about that. But thanks for remember me 😄👍
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 17, 2014   #4
Conclution, bonds and stocks were increasing every year during 2001-2006.

You don't need to write a conclusion. You'd better present a clear overview. With this, you will lift up your score :D
Also, you should spend your time reading sample answers of IELTS as to how your writing could be improved.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
May 17, 2014   #5
The table subordinate to demonstrate the process of Somecoutry's people to expended their money during 2001-2006.

The table presents data concerning how people in Somecountry spent their money on stocks and bonds from 2001 to 2006.

persons of Somecoutry spent their money to bonds were about $100 billions and stock were about $210 billions.

In 2001, around $100 billion were spent on bonds, less than half the expenditure on stocks, which was about $210 billion.
You should include the table with your essay so we could give you more feedback.
OP Ammapurnamasari 2 / 5  
May 24, 2014   #6
Billion thanks dumi. I hope you always want to comment my writing.


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