Hi, the following is
a practice essay about congestion in China.
Suggestions will be appreciated :)
Over the last two decades, congestion has plagued major Chinese cities, including mega-cities like Beijing and Shanghai, as well as smaller provincial capitals. Associated with air pollution, gas consumption, health threat, congestion has become a menace to modern cities. To tackle congestion, ownership and use of cars need to be contained.
The issue stems from a surging population density in cities, which is partly due to rapid urbanization. Floods of people left farming for opportunities in industrial and service sectors. Some of them have managed to own a car and to use it on a daily basis, thus causing to congestion. Besides, Chinese, unlike north Americans, prefer to live in city centers rather than in suburbs. This also contributes to a denser population and therefore, more cars in city center.
But a dense city population can also provide incentives for people to choose bicycles and public transport over cars. First, cars are not a cost-effective option to travel in heavily populated city centers. Parking spaces can be overwhelmingly expensive and automobiles can barely move faster than bikes on packed streets. Also, the fact that most people live in centers rather than in suburbs makes public transport a convenient choice. In suburbs where population is spread out, one may have to journey for half an hour to find a bus station. In city centers, by contrast, it may take less than 5 minutes to reach an underground station or a bus stop, before taking advantage of public transport to commute. Therefore, there is hope that alternatives, if convenient enough, could shift city-dwellers away from cars.
One new alternative is bike-renting. Shared-bike schemes sprung up in Beijing streets in 2015 and have put more people on two wheels. Yet there are downsides. A large number of bikes are abandoned due to vandalism or lack of use. Rows of shared bikes have been reported to block pedestrian paths and bicycle tracks in Beijing. Bicycles that should have alleviated congestion now become wastes that further crowd the city. Meanwhile, private bikes are not doomed to become obsolete. They are green, beneficial for health, and easy to store. City authorities and eco protection groups can advertise on these features to promote cycling.
Another alternative is public transport and more has to be done on that front. While metropolises like Beijing have intricate underground and bus networks, smaller cities do not. If a public transport network cover the entire city, cars would be less necessary. A more sophisticated bus or underground network requires major investments, subsidized or even paid for by public budget. But the cost would be worth it for the congestion and pollution that would be reduced.
To conclude, congestions arise from rapid urbanization and Chinese people's preference of living in city centres. But the factors that have swollen the number of cars on streets can also be incentives for less car use. To persuade people away from traveling by car, alternatives should be promoted, including bikes and public transport.
(502 words)
@TriceLiu
Hi there. I'm here to provide writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful for your continuous learning.
First and foremost, I find that the initial portions (introductory paragraph) were quite decent. You were able to reiterate your concerns without stretching the context of the essay. Regardless, the next paragraphs can still be improved if you had focused more on maintaining a compact language while writing. This pertains to having shorter sentences in order articulate with more clarity what you want to say. Take, for example, your second paragraph's first sentence. You could have opted for a more clear-cut writing approach when discussing how these incentive systems work.
The last paragraph can also be improved. If you would expound on the last sentence, you would be able to have more meaning attached to these remarks.
