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Ielts writing - Take a gap year between high school and university.

manhhackc 2 / 2 1  
Mar 17, 2018   #1
Question: Some students take a year off between school and university to work and travel. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

new experiences outside the school

Recently, the society has been seen an increasingly popular trend that young people spend a gap year between high school and university on practical activities such as seeking a job or travelling. Although this trend may bring some drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

Putting much attention to travelling or working in a gap years, some adolescents may face difficulties when returning to the way of university. They may be diminished their knowledge that they accumulated from high school. Therefore, they will have to study harder to pass the entrance examinations of university. Besides, some youngsters abandon the pursuit of academic path since they find new passion in working or travelling, which may not guarantee for their future due to momentary passion of youngsters. For example, my nephew, who travelled oversea after finishing high schools, decided to become a tourist guide although I know that she is good at science.

Despite the disadvantages mentioned above, I still believe that adolescents should take a gap year to travel or work because of some reasons. Firstly, this can help them cultivate practical skills which are not only important for studying in universities but also useful for later life. For example, engaging in volunteer work, young people will be more mature to face the challenge on the way to college. Secondly, young people can use this year to find information about the majors of university that they intend to enroll. By participating in the presentation of university or engaging in life student, they may have more apparent view about the conditions of the university which they will choose. Finally, working in one year might help young people share financial burden of the cost in university.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that taking a year off between school and university has some negative aspects. It seems to me that the benefits of a gap year are more significant for the reasons mentioned.

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Mar 17, 2018   #2
Hi Tran, in the second paragraph that you presented, the example of your nephew did not accurately follow the reasoning that you mentioned. Your nephew wanted to become a tour guide despite she has a better future in scientific fields has nothing to do with momentary passion, at least you forgot to reinforce its statement in your example. The third paragraph, it is better to have one main idea rather than multiple ones as it is much easier for the reader to grasp what message did you convey. The conclusion is for you to restate the ideas that had been written before, meaning that you should specify them again in this section.
deniselee 2 / 3  
Mar 17, 2018   #3
in a gap years year

usefulinlater life

the entrance examination of the university

since they find new passions

travelled overseas

engaged in volunteer works

a more apparent view

i think the first reason in the third paragraph should be more specific about why being engaged in volunteer works can help people face the challenge.
chizy7 6 / 53 14  
Mar 17, 2018   #4
I don't really feel your essay. It's boring in the sense that it contains a lot of unnecessary details. Give it a little jeopardy and try to properly address the prompt.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,617 2512  
Mar 20, 2018   #5
Tranh, in an opinion essay, you should represent only one opinion for discussion. That is, unless the prompt specifically states a comparison of both points of view as part of the discussion instruction. When it is not indicated, only a single point of view must be discussed and represented in its strongest form within the 3 body paragraphs. Obviously, that is not how you presented the information in this essay so you can expect to lose points for that. In addition, there is a mandatory 5 paragraph presentation for the task 2 essay, which you also failed to present, so more points deducted for that. Do not present under developed ideas as talking points towards the end of a paragraph. Save the explanation and a supporting explanation of it for one of the 3 body paragraphs so that you can more completely explain yourself and also, get a better scoring consideration for it. More importantly, avoid run - on sentences and under developed discussions that only have 2 sentences in them. The required minimum for appropriate scoring is 3 sentences, no less than that. Don't go over the 5 maximum sentence requirement either.

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