Subject: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
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Nowadays, it is an increasingly common trend to take a break before starting university studies. It is not just becoming common among rich students but also in the poor students. Students take a break of year or two, some students travel all around the world during this time, and some choose to take up a job.
Experience gained through travelling to different places, meeting different people and even at job goes long way. It not only enhances the confidence of a student but also makes them independent. Student's who works; tend to gather better financial resources which they can rely on during their university studies. This experience also makes them aware of what they would like to make of their life. They develop broader view and can make a better choice of their future studies or courses.
Taking a break not just has benefits but it also comes with some negative impacts. Once student's starts earning, they might not like to go back to studies where they would lose their financial independence. They might even find it difficult to adapt to education environment. There is also a risk of student never going back to university or higher education. Probably some might take some short term courses instead of proper and complete university education, which will help them to get a better job and salaries. This might only help them in a short run as it is a known fact that to make a reasonable career in longer runs, one needs a proper and higher qualification.
In my view point, I would agree to idea of taking a break before starting higher education. Students who take break, gain lot of benefits by travelling around the places or by working. They tend to contribute more due to their real world experiences which makes them more mature.
Read your essay. It's a solid one, a bit of a "cookie-cutter", with the intro, positive, neg, and conclusion.
I noticed some grammar mistakes though:
Experience gained through travelling to different places, meeting different people and even at job goes long way.
the whole parallel thing is something you need to fix.
Also:
Student's who works; tend to gather better financial resources which they can rely on during their university studies.
The ";" is a typo, I assume?
Overall it's an ok essay, but kinda dry. You might want to elaborate more on the positives, since that's the side you're supporting. And I'm not familiar with the IELTS, but I advise NOT to start the conclusion with "in my viewpoint" or in my point of view or something of that nature.
There is, however, a controversy whether government or private organization should provide funding for them.
There is, however, a controversy that which one should provide funding for them, government or private organization.
I think this "&" is informal and it cannot use in IELTS examination.
"rather than " not " rather then"
can be avoidable(avoided ).
I think it is necessary to reaffirm what is your point again in the last paragraph.
nowadays is too informal for IELTS, ( i have just discovered it!), use those days or ever better in the contemporary era.
good luck
Thanks Geenesh for your inputs/corrections. Thanks so much!!
Thanks mrscatoni for pointing out the informality in my paragraph. Probably I will use "In the contemporary era,"
