My English is not very well , please help me improving it, i will be extremely appreciated.
a secure job? or a satisfied job? - toefl
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In this modern society, any opportunities will be a precious gift for anyone who is seeking for jobs. Nevertheless, taking a secure job right away will always be a wise choice in this rapidly-developed society. Conflicts will always arise whenever people's decisions are to be made regarding whether it is appropriate for individuals waiting for their best-satisfied job or just taking the secure job to their face. Generally speaking, i hold the viewpoint that individuals should take the secure job without hesitation.
During this era, the competition is so radical that any given opportunity will be extremely hard to seek for if a person simply dropped it. Indeed, chasing one's dream job is an excellent choice. However, there exists too much risks of the way of pursuing it since there are vast majority of competitors outside the world. Searching for a satisfied and well-paid job not only a person need to throw lots of energy into it but also will waste valuble time. To students, they only have limited time and rescoures. They will never be stand out between experienced interviewees.Hence, If students drop the opportunity, it will be unrealistic for them to find another job not to mention the one can satisfy them. Even if a person insists to do it, he can firstly take that secure job, once he has enough resources and finances, it will never be too late to seek for the satisfied job. Therefore, taking the secure job immediately will always be a wise choice.
Additionally, it is fair to consider about the students who do not have a wealthy family background. A stable income will always be in a priority position in their considerations. Their parents have already attached significance finances to support their tuition fees and other life expense such as foods, clothes, health insurance and so on. It is time to be independent by making money themselves. As a grown man, we should know that our parents already do so much for us. I would say it is almost time to release our parents' financial burdens.
Indeed, taking the secure job instantly perhaps has some long-term demerits. For example, if the secure job's workplace is not satisfied at all, such as the small-scale, the dim environment, the poor facility, the tedious work and so on, it certainly will influence a person both physically and mentally. Passion will be decreased, confidence will be reduced, these have no benefits for their future development.
In conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I admit that a satisfied job is crucial to a person's future development and their mental health. But it is fair to consider the difficulty to seek another satisfied job and the financial independence.@GaleEastwood
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. No worries! I will do my best to assist you in your writing endeavors.
First and foremost, the first paragraph is still a bit blurry in terms of its content because of the lack of conciseness in writing. For example, you could have opted to create a shorter and immediate thesis statement that will help improve the overall flow of your writing. Doing this will also certainly improve the level of individuality in your writing because you will have a smoother transition flow.
When we go into the latter parts of the body paragraph, you could have opted to minimize the usage of excessive/unnecessary language to help you write with ease. For instance, the second paragraph is flooded with excessive explanations that do not contribute a lot to your writing. What you could do instead is focus more on the core values/thoughts of writing, rather than dwelling on how formal and crisp your grasp of the language is. Remember that the core message is what is important, not necessarily how humongous your language is.
@GaleEastwood
you have a range of mistake about your grammar and vocabulary. In the first paragraph, you use 'any opportunities will be...'. it's not correct in grammar and you should replace 'all opportunities' in this sentence. The sentence '... appropriate for individuals ...' is wrong. You should correct it. '..appropriate for individuals to wait for their best satisfied jobs...' because you have to use V-ing after an adjective 'appropriate' and 'best satisfied' not have '-'.
In the last sentence of paragraph 3 bottom up, i recommend you to use "remove" instead of utilizing "release" since 'release' have unsuitable meaning.
