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hailung 2  
Aug 8, 2017   #1
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe some information is too important or valuable to be showed freely.

Discuss both views and give your opinion

I am preparing for the next IELTS so please give me the band score I may reach. Thank you

access to important information for everyone

People have different views about how information is shared. Although there are good arguments in favor of keeping secret intelligence, I personally believe that valuable knowledge has to be both available and accessible.

On the one hand, sharing information makes a better world. Firstly, developed countries like America and England certainly have handful experiences in dealing with economic instabilities such as economic crisis and inflation. By transmitting such intelligence, they can help less civilized nations stabilize their economic state and save money from making avoidable mistakes. In addition, collaboration between countries in terms of exchanging advancement in certain fields would benefit the whole world. For example, Cuba's breakthroughs in curing lung cancer now opens a new door to not only American cancers' patients but also bring more hope to people who are suffering from that disease globally. Finally, from academic perspective, exchanging information in terms of seminars may help improve knowledge gap across continents as well as promoting learning. An academic workshop, which takes place in developing countries like Cambodia, presented by a famous scholar in biological science will nurture interests in science among students which turn into some fascinating discoveries and invention.

On the other hand, secret intelligence has to be secured due to its importance. Coca-cola formula, for instance, is a national treasure of the US, thus disclosure of this global product should not be encouraged. Moreover, military secrets and technologies are too vital to the survival of a particular nation that they must be classified. Intelligence leaks may be used to harm political opponents which eventually threaten lives of millions of civilians.

In conclusion, while some information should be kept secretly, the majority of them have to be shared to vastly benefit the entire whole in many different aspects.
Holt [Contributor] 1543  
Aug 8, 2017   #2
Kenzin, it is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that your score for this essay will, in all likelihood, only be a 4 in an actual test. The reason that I gave you this score is because your essay discussion does not properly follow the prompt requirement. The requirement was for you to discuss both sides of the essay and then present your opinion. So this is a comparison essay with an opinion statement thrown in at the end. What you wrote was instead, solely an opinion essay. This mistake became evident because of the way that you did not properly represent the original prompt requirements in the opening statement which, as you know, accounts for a tremendously large part of the overall scoring. Since I already told you the mistake that you made which led to the failing score, let me show you how you could have properly formatted this essay. Consider the following an example of the most adequate method of representing the prompt:

There are some factions of society that have a belief in the sharing of information between scientific research, business, and the academic world. They believe that a lot of good will come from this information sharing system. However, others believe that the information is too important to be shared within the aforementioned sectors. This essay will discuss both points of view along with my personal opinion at towards the end of the essay

Always remember, the opening statement is nothing more than a restatement of the instructions. Never present an actual response in it because there is no room for discussion development. Discussion development in complete paragraph form is the basis of your Coherence and Cohesiveness score. You lose points for that when you present facts or opinions in the opening statement because you cannot fully explain yourself within the 5 sentence maximum requirement of the paragraph.

I need not point out the discussion mistake to you at this point. The wrong interpretation that you had of the original prompt should make the problems with your essay obvious enough.
OP hailung 2  
Aug 8, 2017   #3

I got it

Thank you very much.
OP hailung 2  
Aug 11, 2017   #4
It is considered by some that accessing to scientific research, business and academic world should be free while there are others who think that some vital information has not to be publicized. In my opinion, I believe that free flow of information to some extent should be encouraged while limited access to some is necessary.

On the one hand, sharing information freely could be tremendously beneficial. From a scientific perspective, publicizing of new findings will interest world's scholars and scientists. This may accelerate pace of research and increase the potential to lead to many other advances and achievements. Similarly, from an economic perspective, free access to global business insights may minimize failures as the same time foster business success in foreign markets. Transmission of academic know-how; moreover, will cultivate learning process and promote world civilization.

On the other hand, the availability of some information should be strictly restricted. Revealing secrets to success of a particular product or a nation would promote unfair competition and discourage people from striving for excellence. In addition, military intelligence, if falling into the wrong hands, may pose serious threats to not only the local political stability but also world peace.

Finally, in my opinion, whether to share information freely or not depends on its purposes. Sharing of foundation knowledge and insights should be encouraged as it makes a better world. For example, experiences and lessons in dealing with economic, political matters could be transmitted from developed countries to less civilized nations. This helps shorten the time, minimize potential risks and guarantee for better results. Similarly, medical advancement and breakthroughs would open new doors for patients as well as improve world average longevity. In contrast, formula to success of such giant brand like Coca-cola should be kept secretly. Its fame is built on life-time dedication and hard work; thus, their achievement should be widely recognized and awarded in forms of exclusive patent and copyright. Testing of weapons of massive destruction like atomic and chemical bombs should be banned to avoid catastrophic consequences.

In conclusion, sharing of information is heavily rely on its types and purposes. Disclosure of any information should be considered thoroughly to maximize its benefit while minimize its potential threats to the world as a whole.