Hi, I'm student in Viet Nam. I have Ielts task 2 about this topic. I hope you can see and correct it for me.
Many thanks
It is undeniable that gender balance now have attracted increasingly concerns from many peoples. So, some people said that men and women should do house-work and take-care of their children together while it is agrued that fathers should only focus on their works rather than teaching their children. In my opinion, I am better convinced by the former idea
Firstly, it is also said that fathers and mothers shoule be major in their roles: men earning money while women looking after their children because of avoiding stress. For example, men now tend tobe too busy to do both tasks at home and office. They only may do big things in the society in order to promote finance as well as their position in the society.
However, some critics agrued that sharing house-work between men and women may strengthen relationship among members in their family. To illustrate these. children can develope natuarally because of feeling care from both 2 sides: fathers and mothers. They feel happy when mothers take care of healthy and fathers look after studying. Furthermore, this may help closer gap between fathers and their children, especially with the sons. As a result, their children's characteristics can be informed better than others only have mothers or fathers.
Besides, it is widely that fathers and mothers have equal responsibilities in looking after their children. Women now have to finish not only domestic duties but also external tasks at her office. Therefore, they will face to stress unless men help them doing house-work.As the result, sharing house- work is the best way to show responsibilities of men with his family.
In conclusion, all thing considered, it is my firm belief that men should contribute not only finance but also their responsibilties to teach their children. It is suggested that men should spend much more time for his famlily in order to maintain better relationships among members.
Anikka has provided you a good suggestion. I thought of adding my suggestions to it;
Firstly , it is also said that fathers and mothers should be major in their roles, men earn money while women look after their children so as to avoid stress and achieve a good balance between family and work life .
They only may do big things in the society in order to promotefacilitate financeialrequirements of the family as well as their position in the society.
To illustrate theseThis way, the children can grow naturally because of feelingget the opportunity to receive love and care from both 2 sides parents : fathers and mothers.
Furthermore, this may help tomakebridge the gap closer between fathers and their children, especially with the sons, by giving them more chances to understand each other better--------------good point
