It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Every person in this world has their own special intelligence. Some people probably good at art, sport, music or other abilities they have. It is often claimed that their abilities come after their parents. However, other people believe that ability could be taught intensively to a person to be a master in that skill. In this essay, these two arguments will be discussed.
Some people think that people were born with certain talents such as sport and art skills. It might be true since there is a biology theory about genetic that tells about similar character between parents and their children. For example, a father or mother who has good skill in music would have children with good skill in music as well. This opinion could be true since the influence of environmental condition of the children supports them to develop their skill. They would have good ability in music because they always see their father playing some music instruments, so it is formed in their brain.
Other people, however, believe that skills could be taught and improved even though people are not born with talents. They are able to learn some certain skills because they have a high determination and strong willingness to be good in that skill. They could learn from the youtube video, some books to practice, or going to a certain institution which is established with the purpose to train people in special skill.
In conclusion, every person has a certain ability such as in music, art, sport, etc. These skills do not always exist since people were born, but the main point is high determination and strong willingness to learn and improve those skills.
Nabila, I would like to give thorough feedback about the overall aspects of your essay. Actually, it is quite understandable, even though some sentences pretty confusing and lack of conclusions. I think you need to add some cohesive devices to make the flow of ideas run smoothly. For example, when you try to show the result, just mention 'as a consequence, as a result, consequently' before conveying the result. I am really sure that by addressing the reader smoothly, your band score will be increased. As writing band descriptors said, for a band 7 you need to:
logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
As you can see, cohesive devises are indeed important, but be careful, it is like a two-edged sword. This is what band 6 said:
arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
uses paragraphing, but not always logically
So, my suggestion is that in every writing, just take these band descriptors into account to make your essay adequately fulfill all the prompts either in IELTS task 1 or task 2.
Hi Nabila, what I like about this essay is that you were able to incorporate scientific facts with your opinion and create an easily comprehensible essay.
Writing an essay on intelligence and trying to reason against it or with it is one interesting essay. Indeed, talent can be a gift and it's the persons responsibility to hone it and use it in a way it will serve them best. Of course, those who does not possess talent should not feel left out, instead, they have to prove their worth and do things that will favor them and more so for greater welfare.
Moreover, the argument you cited in this essay is base on facts gathered through careful research and you were able to expand the idea, however, don't consider this as an act to lengthen the essay but take this as a chance to express yourself and make every word count.
Overall, it's a good essay and keep up the learning and exercise it in your advantage.