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IELTS - Talent is one of the awesome things in the world


Flower777 1 / -  
Jun 30, 2014   #1
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sport or music, and others are not. However, it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubt people who have talent are more better than others. Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god. while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

Every person is born with definitely gifts such as music or ball control or dance or others. Some people these talents have strongly marked since born, in the others it appears during their life. Moreover, some people who have have been developing it since childhood and in adult life they become a famous stars in the world and sometime their gifts are make them rich people. The famous pop stars and football stars who we can see via TV every day are an excellent example of it.

On the other hand some people strongly believe that nothing happens without trying, taught and hard works. Every person can reach all goals developing any talents and become who he or she wants. Many people in the world become good dancer or businessman or scientist and others everyday. Furthermore, many special schools are created nowadays, for children with high intellectual ability where the teachers help them to find tier gifts and to develop them.

In my opinion, I believe that, every person has a huge amount of capacities, however a lot of people kill them inside, don not go to dilated their reputation and success. Government should spend more money on training and developing organization which taught children. So it very amazing investment for future of country.

SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 30, 2014   #2
Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubtundoubtedly people who have talents are more better than the others. Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god( well I think you should not use this because it is too... religious? Maybe just say "Nature" is fine) . while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different giftspotentialswhichit need only developmentin order to flourish .

well here your prompt asks:

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sport or music, and others are not. However, it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

but your intro did not quite relate to it. You did say

Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god

but you didn't mention the other side which is:

it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

, instead you said:

looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

Can you see the irrelevance?

Every person is born with definitely gifts such as music or ball control or dance or others . Some peopleof these talents have strongly marked since bornbirth , while in the others it appears during their life. Moreover, some people who have have been developing it since childhood and in adult life they become a famous stars in the world and sometime their gifts are make them rich people . The famous pop stars and football stars who we can see via TV every day are an excellent example of it .

Well generally speaking, you need to practice writing your topic sentence. You can not just go straight to the point without saying what you are gonna say right?

On the other hand some people strongly believe that nothing happens without trying, being taught and hard works . Every person can reach all goals of developing any talents and become who he or she wants. Many people in the world become good dancer or businessman or scientist and others everyday. Furthermore, many special schools are created nowadays, for children with high intellectual ability where the teachers help them to find tier gifts and to develop them.

Well I understand most of your ideas. However, you should use clear and more persuasive evidences to prove your point. Here you just list out the facts which is not plausible at all.

In my opinion, I believe that, every person has a huge amount of capacities, however a lot of people kill them inside, don not go to dilated(what do you mean by this?) their reputation and success. Government should spend more money on training and developing organization which taught children. So it very amazing investment for future of country(you should not mention something which does not appear in your paragraphs. Here you should only summarize main ideas rather than stating new notions) .

Take care of your grammar, vocab and organization :)
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 30, 2014   #3
Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubt people who have talent are more better than others.

when you put 'more', it should be followed by adjective which is not ended by 'er' ,,when an adjective is already ended by 'er',it already means as a comparison

Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god. while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

you don't need to put 'dot' between god and while/ or change the letter 'w' in the word 'while' with a capital letter

pay more attention to small mistakes
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 1, 2014   #4
Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubt people who have talent are more better than others.

.... more and better are comparative nouns and one makes the other redundant. So you should have one of them only in a sentence.
Some people suggest that talents isare a gift from god (no full stop) while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

The latter part makes the reader confused. I really do not get any meaningful idea from that :(
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 25, 2014   #5
ome people suggest that talents is a gift from god. while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops

are you sure that this is the part of the question asked? Please check it.

it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

I didn't see you argue the prompt clearly.

Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubt people who have talent are more better than others. Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god. while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

even this opens for discussion essay/ both views, it is always nicer if you end the introduction by stating your opinion.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jul 25, 2014   #6
So it very amazing investment for future of country.

grammar mistakes

also, don't forget to put space between each paragraph to make the readers easier to catch your points


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