You have good points for your essay, but there are a few grammatical errors here and there.
Admittedly, people with talent will have greater achievement then those people who don't have.
People who are born with talent will have greater success than those who are born without it. .... OR...
People who are born with talent will achieve more than those who are born without it.Such as the superior singer Michael Jackson, who will never be so successes without his talented voice.
A voice is actually not a talent. His ability to sing was actually the talent you are talking about. He had a gifted voice however. But i always thought that MJ was so successful because of his dance moves. ;)
The king of pop, Michael Jackson, would have never been so successful without his talent at singing.I agree with the fact that talent is something a person should be born with. It can not be given to you in anyway. However by training hard and long you can refine your skill, and if you are anyway talented at it you will succeed very easily. Stress the importance of refining your skill more in your essay. :)