talent's impact on somebody's success
People have various assumptions regarding what makes an individual a good demonstrator. Some people contend that they are born to inherit these sports of music skills. In the same context, they believe that with good teaching and dedication, they can become an expert in something. From my perspective, I partly agree with both of these views.
On the one hand, people believe that some children are cut out to be a sportsmen or a musician. It is their genetic origin that they inherit those skills from their parents. Meanwhile, the ability to sing or play different instruments runs in their blood. It seems that these people are lucky to receive the natural gift from God. For example, Trong Nhan, living in Vietnam, knows how to play drums at a very young age without much guidance from her teacher or parents.
On the other hand, certain talents can be attained when people are provided with good guidance and encouragement, as well as their dedication. Some children may have a specific passion for a kind of sport or music. It is their parents'part to realize and identify it. Then, they will send them to a specific school or institutions which are specialized in it to develop and nourish their skills. In other words, a person can pursue his dream to become a good sports person or musician if he assists with hard work and proper practice.
Personally thinking, it cannot be denied that some people in this world own certain talents that the others do not have. However, only 1% of genius constitutes success in our life. I believe that people who have a love for something and be accompanied by appropriate guidance and diligence can excel in it.
In conclusion, talent only plays a minor role in helping a person become successful. Through hard work, determination and dedication, people can easily fulfill their desires.
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Your discussion approach to the essay is incorrect. The format of your response is based on a measured extent essay. However, the original prompt is based on a compare/contrast/personal opinion format for discussion. Therefore, the TA score will find deductions made due to errors in response formatting. To be clear:
OP: It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
YP: From my perspective, I partly agree with both of these views.
Once you change your response to the original discussion instruction, the TA score will automatically be affected and, since this section is the highest scoring consideration for your work, a mistake here could mean a failure in the final score. This was not an agree or disagree essay. This is an explanatory personal opinion discussion of both topics.
The idea was to respond in the following manner:
Both suggestions carry a sense of truth. My opinion based explanation of these topics should help to further clarify this discussion.
When using popular examples. Go for less regional and more international references. For example, you could have used the same explanation based on Justin Bieber. Same history, same skills, just a more well known personality used in the presentation. This will show that you are abreast of current events and popular culture references / information. By the way, when showing ownership, use an apostrophe s ('s) instead of an apostrophe at the end of a word.
Your concluding sentences are good, yet these lack the prompt restatement and reasons for the discussion. Those should have been the first 2 sentences of your concluding paragraph, closing with the current presentation that you have.