personal perspectiveview , I believe that Hard work,will and motivation isare a better way to be a good sports man or a musician
... this sentence has lots of grammar issues... Also, you are going slightly out of point. Your topic does not talk about will or motivation. It asks which is more important for certain professionals like musicians or sports personnel, is it inborn talent or the practice? Stay aligned with your topic always.
Also, include your prompt with the essay... then we exactly know what it expects and give you feedbacks accordingly.