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Talk about the pros/cons of this era as is full of daily inventions.

twid 4 / 8  
Jul 7, 2016   #1
The statistics published by World Intellectual Property Organization shows 2.7 million patents have filed around the world in year 2014, which is 4.5 percent increment from previous year. This explain the veracity of discoveries are happening. Majority of patent were filed in the field of computer and telecommunication. This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantage of these inventions with suitable examples.

In todays information age, computer has tremendously transformed people's lives. People use computer in every aspect of life from booking ticket on-line, purchasing favorite shoe from amazon to automation in industrial giants like Ferrari or Coca-cola. However, looking at flip side, there has been rise in cyber crimes such as cyber-bullying, internet based fraud, impersonation, etc.

The field of telecommunication, the next major field, has revolutionized the world. It has served mankind with, such as a live broadcasting of event world wide or helped to communicated live with others, by just dialing number phone numbers or to video conference over the Skype. Although, it has major contribution in development of humanity, it has dark side. For example, Twitter has empowered common people to express their thoughts instantly around the globe, but some terrorist groups have propagated there extremist ideologies spreading hatred among masses.

To sum up, it is indisputable fact that innovative inventions are indispensable to mankind advancement. Nonetheless, As they say "there are two sides of every coin" and no invention is exception to that. Needless to say, there has been some cons but pros outweighs them. In modern era, people should strive for advent of mankind. These trend is expected to continue for foreseeable future.

Sunrise011 7 / 14 7  
Jul 8, 2016   #2
Dear Smith,

* Paragraph 1: * ... patents have filed around ... --> ... were filed / You (should have used the passive voice "Patents don't file themselves" / We have an exact time indication "in year 2014", hence, you should have used the simple past rather than the present perfect)

* This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantage of these inventions with suitable examples. --> I'll be coming over the advantages and disadvantages of these inventions ("with suitable examples" is not genuinely worth-writing here because it will make your essay less formal or academic).

* Paragraph 2: * Your argument wasn't really developed. You didn't explain with depth the idea you were trying to deliver. Mind that an example is an important part of your argument's structure, yet, it should not be the main focus in your argument. Try explaining your thesis then uphold it with suitable example(s).

* General Review: Your essay is, definitely, a well-written one. You, generally, talked about what the topic demanded. Although, I might say that your essay lacked precision and depth. You chose clear examples to demonstrate both pros and cons of this era's invention, nevertheless, you should have taken care of developing your essay. For future betterment, I recommend that you keep practicing such essays and try to give it a personal touch that weigh if you're applying for academic tests.

Thank you for the effort.
OP twid 4 / 8  
Jul 8, 2016   #3
Thanks sunrise,
I appreciate your valuable insight. I'll try to improve upon that.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jul 21, 2016   #4
Hi Smith, first of all, your essay is very relevant to todays world. You made sure that the information you gathered are not only base on your thoughts but to the general outcome and progress that the modern world has brought not only to us as humans but also to the environment and to the world.

One thing that is also worth noting, is the fact that, you started the essay in a not so conventional way, most of the essays are written with the first two sentences about how technology has shaped todays world, instead, you started it with an information extracted from one of the most reputable organizations of the world, this means you are not only aware of the topic but you also exerted efforts in order to keep your essay abreast to todays current events.

Indeed, there are two sides of the coin and how we handle this progress as a person, is entirely up to us.
Being responsible is always the best way to go as this will result to good deeds, technology will continue to evolve faster than people will ever be, what we can do is to go with the flow with extra care and extra will to be the master of our craft and not let technology evolution eat us alive.

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