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TED talk regarding nuclear power - the nuclear fusion reactor is built.

aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
Sep 30, 2015   #1
Hallo everyone,
I need your help for giving me some suggestion regarding writing flow and grammatical accuracy.
Thank you

Kid is a person who can generate creative thinking. The idea producing by the person is sometimes unbelievable as children are of notion that is likely out of the box. Take Taylor Wilson, a person who has an insight for creating nuclear fusion reactor that is arguably required for tackling future problem, as an example. When he was twelve years old, this kid produce a creative idea for making a star and he built a nuclear fusion later on. Over the course of five years, he tried to slam some particular apparatus related to the nuclear reaction which is succeeding nowadays.

The government supporting the kid's idea put a serious attention in order to make this nuclear reaction to be realistic by allocating funding for Taylor. Furthermore, he also went to pre-eminent physic laboratory in the world located in CERN Geneva for examining and building his nuclear plant. Eventually, as he concerned on creating the idea, the nuclear fusion reactor is built.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 30, 2015   #2
Asep, I am not really sure what the topic you are trying to summarize is. It is not fluid at all and seems to start in the middle of a thought instead of at the beginning of one. I mean, you don't have an introduction to the topic, you don't identify the speaker, you don't identify what the talk was about, where it was held, and the reason the the talk. That is why the statement you opened the essay with does not really make sense.

When you are writing a summary of a TED talk, you need to supply certain information at the beginning of the essay in order to give the reader a direction. To let them know what the topic is about and who the speaker is. What makes him important? What makes this TED talk special? Remember the 5 W's when writing a summary:

1. Who
2 . What
4. When
5. Why

When you say, "Kid is a person who can generate creative thinking." What exactly do you mean? How does it related to this Taylor Wilson? Why should we care about him and his accomplishments? So what if his experiment with a nuclear reactor succeeded? What difference does it make to me?

Why did the government decide to financially support his experiments? What did he do for them? Why should we care that he created a nuclear fusion reactor? There are just so many questions produced by the lack of information in your essay that your written words are basically useless to anyone. It does not inform at all. There is a lack of comprehension skills, flow of thought, and grammatical accuracy. Unfortunately, the grammatical problems cannot be fixed at this point because it would be a waste of time. The information in the essay should be corrected first then the grammar last.

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