SAT May 2010 Essay: Prompt 2
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
A well-known company recently proposed setting aside every Friday as a day with no e-mail-based communication. On these e-mail-free Fridays, employees would be encouraged to refrain completely from reading or sending e-mail or text messages and advised instead to call each other or talk in person. This idea can work for everyone. If each week we set aside time to actually talk to one another, our communications will be less impersonal and more effective and satisfying.
Assignment:
Is talking the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
My Essay:
The world is in full swing as we move from paper-based communication via letters and face to face contact to digital-based Communication and Virtual contact.
On one hand, one can ponders that Social Media, E-mail, texting and phone calls make communication easier but surpass the emotional, sensitive and inner part of human. Indeed, talking in person is irreplaceable for people seeking for strong support and serenity while living in a state of mental illness, sufferance or madness caused by isolation in an ice-cold modern world. Face to face contact will be effective to relieve this pain, to attenuate grief and to give a real sense of share to a desperate person. The warmth of real conversations including facial expressions, tone of voice and body language can substantially effect conversation. Psychologists, Social Scholars and even doctors suggest that the need for a real intercommunication is not a luxury but a stressing necessity as it has a serious impact on people's perception of life, especially between people on the same wavelength.
A smile, a fresh joke, a hug, a kiss can make human spirit flourish and rise from ash and dust because they give a person comfort and affection. These signs of emotionally-pure relationship are vital and can only be done in person. No Web-cam Shots, no Snapchat texts, no E-mails can make an impact as such.
One the other hand, real communication is clinical and must be revitalized. Facebook language which includes abbreviations, foreign words and a mixture of grammatically-incorrect sentences is threatening languages like English. For example, the use of term like "wass'up","4ever", Su'p"... while chatting online had taken an unfortunate plunge which cause students to dismiss or forget actual word and may lead to failure in tasks like writing and grammar. That's why, it's important to talk in person because lessen the impact of "texting language" as most people do not talk text. For a broader perspective, it's vital for a nation to preserve its language by increasing its proper use because language is one of the pillars of civilization, history and culture.
Your essay is well written but needs help in construction. The intro needs to be expanded to introduce the main ideas.
on the one hand...
on the other hand...
If you introduce the pros and cons of email, right off, youwill have a better essay. Simply insert a thesis sentence which outlines major points. Then you can elaborate these points in their own paragraph.
For a broader perspective...
This should be your conclusion. Again, you should elaborate this point, to end the discussion.
So your vocabulary and grammar ate good, but just reorganize the structure a little. Expand the intro, and add a conclusion. By doing so you make stronger writing and more classes form.
Good start!
ef _carol
Your paragraphing is wrong in the last paragraph, You should have left some space between the final example and the conclusion.
one can pondersponder
Although your Introduction and conclusion is well enough and argued but it is short and icomplete, you should expand more. The SAT grader will be grading your essay based on your strength on writing introduction and conclusion with an average argued example.
I would like to grade this essay 3 but mind you i am just giving my opinion and it might be overrated or underrated and i am just a student grading your essay.
