Talking about "gap-year" - traveling or working

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: student should take at least one year to work or travel before they go to university.

After graduating from my high school, i went to university directly. I had worked very hard to prepare the Chinese college entrance exam, where is full of ambitious competitors. I was more than happy to accept the offer from the university I expected, and studying in the college, I have equipped with lots of knowledge and skills. So, I take going to the university after high school for granted. However,one day, a friend of mine, spending one year traveling all over the world instead of going to university, told me that what he saw and what he learned from the travel would benefit him a whole life. With the precious experience he knew exactly which area he wanted to specialized in. Many students all over the world having the same experience, the so-called "gap year" becomes a very popular topic these days. This makes me wonder, should a student take at least one year to work or travel before they go to university? As for me, although there are many benefits for the "gap-year", traveling or working a year before going to university is not suitable for most students.

I admit that traveling and working can make our experience abundant and thus may, to some extent, help us realize what we really want in a further career. However, the "gap-year" is not safe for the students who have little experience about society. Since we are protected by schools and parents in high schools and we concentrate mostly on our study tasks, we care little about the way the world runs. Countless terrible cases and bad guys in every dark corners nowadays, I can imagine the innocent and pure students turn out to be the targets, especially when they are short of money to sustain their travel or survival.

Some people would say that, the shortage of social experience makes the "gap-year" seem even more valuable and necessary just as a weak sick person should exercise to be strong. Only after getting involved in the society can students really understand where they truly want to specialize. However, the "gap year" doesn't necessarily contribute to our further development. We have to admit that, with little specialized knowledge, the work we get cannot be very good. How can a job as a waitress in coffee shop contributes to the dream of being a great astronomer or a engineer? Traveling around world always means spending money, which in most cases, from our parents. How can spending money on fun, enjoying sunshine in the beaches or shopping sumptuously in a exotic country helps us understand the whole story of life? Before learning how to earn money, we spend money traveling for a whole year! That is really ridiculous.

Going to the university directly from high school doesn't mean students don't have chances to relax, to experience a different life, or change our direction of our life. My university always providing opportunities of internship, I have worked in one of the lab doing research on WiPi, a advanced project about internet. Instead of serving coffee, I am supervised by professors and graduates, both of whom are very smart guys and the experience working with them is very helpful for my further study and career. Plus, lots of information fulfilling the campus, each piece of news challenge your recognition and shape your awareness. In the university, you tend to gradually realize who you are, and who you want to be. You can change your majors at any time as long as you see the direction you want to step to clearly.

Thanks to a smaller world, we can choose a life-style we appreciate instead of always obeying the old boring tradition. However, the tradition of going to the university directly is not over time, since it protects us from the negative side of the society and also, provide us with a space to perfect ourselves. Considering all factors listed above, I believe that most students should go to universities directly after high schools.

Adam, this essay requires a lot of revision time. I have made my suggestions below. I believe that the essay has room for improvement. That is what I would like you to do before we fix the grammar and sentence errors :-)

- Adam, you should not have stated your opinion on the topic in the 2nd paragraph. You know very well that the introductory statement includes the restated prompt, a brief discussion of the topic, and your point of view. So you have to go back and revise these two paragraphs. You can actually blend the information from these 2 statements into one paragraph. All you have to do is streamline the information it contains. I would like to see how you would combine the two paragraphs into one statement before I give you my take on it :-)

- I separated this from your thesis statement because this should become your first paragraph.

- Edit this paragraph and merge it into the above paragraph. These two are directly connected and should not be discussed as separate topics.

- Use your personal experience to justify your point of view. Making reference to these other sources only towards the end in order to reinforce your point of view.


- Don't present new ideas in your conclusion. Summarize the essay, provide the facts and close the statement. That is how you write a proper conclusion :-)

Dear Pen: good to see you again

I have revise every para of my issue following your suggestion.except that I do not combine the first and second para, because i wanna use the second para to challenge and defend the opinion of the first para.

Thanks, again! good night.

Hi Adam. You have greatly improved the content of the essay. I can really see how you are exerting a tremendous effort in mastering your essay writing skills. Let's see if I can help you out a little bit more :-) I made some suggestions as to how you can cut down on the word count of your essay without affecting the content. It is just too wordy at the moment and therefore becomes a chore to read. Opinion essays need to be direct to the point.


- ...I went directly to university studies ... very hard to prepare forthe Chinese college... which was full of... university I wished to attend.After all, I had prepared for college throughout high school. So I took it for granted that I would immediately go to the university after completing high school.However, not all of my friends and classmates went straight to college like I did. Some took a "gap year" to travel and experience the world. One friend of mine who took a "gap year" told me that the travel time really opened his eyes to the rest of the world and helped me to decide upon what course he really wanted to study in college. I guess that is one reason that the gap year is so popular. However, the "gap year" is not for all students.

- While I will admit that traveling during a "gap year" does have its benefits for some students, such as teaching them to be independent, and learning the value of hard work and money, there as just some instances when a 'gap year" could be dangerous in terms of a future choice of career or lifestyle for fresh high school graduates. A "gap year" does not always produce a stronger and more informed college student. If a student comes from a cloistered and sheltered upbringing then his social and survival skills are quite weak. He may not be able to survive too long away from his comfort zone. However, there are times when a student learns the value of hard work and money before they understand the value of education during a "gap year" and they opt never to go to college instead. Why should they when they can easily earn the money they need to support themselves? Being a waitress or a barista will never compare to being an engineer or astronomer, but it keeps money in their pockets and they did not need a formal education to earn the money.

- Just because a student goes directly to college from high school does not mean that he will lack experiences in life. University life offers almost similar benefits as a gap year. The only difference being that a skill is actually being honed and harnessed as the student learns about social skills and independence. More specialized skills are developed that could lead the student towards a highly lucrative career as opposed to learning to mix coffee and serve burgers during a "gap year".


- This is a concluding statement. You should not have introduced new ideas at this point. Just close the essay using a restated thesis, summarized prompts, and your point of view.

- Adam, like I said above, you presented 2 new ideas in your concluding statement. Therefore, your last paragraph cannot officially be considered a closing statement. I am suggesting that you write 2 more paragraphs with a each paragraph dedicated to the 2 new ideas that you presented. Develop and discuss each topic fully within their their respective paragraphs and then write a new concluding statement to close the essay with. After you do that, you can write a new conclusion covering the rephrased thesis, summary of facts, and your personal opinion.

When you have completed the instructions I gave you, we can review your essay again and work on other corrections or the polishing of the paper :-)