Talking to a restaurant business owner - IELTS General Writing Task 1

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants.
Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter,

remind him when and where you met
tell him what kind of job you are interested in
say why you think you would be suitable for the job

Answer-

Dear Mr. John,

I am writing this letter to apply for the position of Kitchen Manager at your restaurant.

We met recently during a flight to New York. You mentioned that you own several restaurants and suggested that I should apply for a job at one of your establishments.

In terms of the position, I am most interested in the position of kitchen manager. I have previously worked as a manager at a grocery store in my home town. Therefore, I believe my skills and experience is well suited for this position.

I believe I will be a suitable candidate for this position because I have experience working in a similar role and I have developed the necessary skills to handle responsibilities efficiently. Especially in the fast-paced environment such as restaurant where attention to detail and ability to handle multiple tasks are most important.

Thank you again for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.

Yours faithfully,
Tom Collins

This letter could have been better formatted. You could have opened with the reminder to Mr. John about how and where you met him, what was discussed, and then indicated that he encouraged you to send your resume to him for a possible job consideration at one of his restaurants. Your summarized work experience is lacking. It should also indicate how many years you have been working as a kitchen manager and what your unique skills are in relation to this position. The last paragraph of this letter should have been a request to Mr. John to forward your resume to HR and also, invite him to contact you personally for a non application related visit. This is while also letting him know that you will be open to HR contacting you at their convenience.

Overall, your letter meets the word count requirements and indicates expected information, but it is not expanded in terms of an application cover letter. So while this is a good letter, it could have been considered for a higher score had you done what I suggest above while writing it