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Less tasks for kids - how good or bad is this change?

syamsiahRahim 9 / 15 3  
Apr 27, 2017   #1
Children in some parts of world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this is a positive change. However others think of it as negative change. What is your opinion?

Children have now more time for themselves - analysis of this phenomenon

Child is a valuable asset in the future generation. Children development is more crucial for parents, but today children lack their responsibility while it compare with children in the past, However many people argue that it is a positive change. I personally believe that it negative change because it has many demerits either in school or in society.

Taking less responsibility in school at the first, many schoolchildren today show less responsibility, For example, In my country Indonesia, many students left their house to go to school but in fact they went to game store and spent their time to play game and they forget their obligation to attend the class. As result, it is not good for their performance at school and make their reduced their grade in school,, from this evident, I believe that less responsibility on children make bad impact for their ability.

Moving to demerit that appearing in society, Nowadays, Some Vandalism that happened in society that doing by children, it is more make society worried about. For example, many children compete to make gravity in the street wall, they make it without pay attention with the wall owner. Furthermore, If the owner found them, they would run out and opened their responsibility as crime agent.

Taking into consideration, the changing of the children become lees responsibility is more damage because it has many disadvantages for either this children or people around them. I recommended that children should be taught the attitude to be more responsibility.

Anhy chan 12 / 23 1  
Apr 28, 2017   #2
Hi @syamsiahRahim

First, if you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show clearly what you will explain in the body paragraph. I meant you included the keywords of your perspective in your thesis statement. As such, gave the limitation on the defenition of less responsibility at first, so you can explore your idea in body paragraph later. Furthermore, pay attention on the way you compose each sentence in a proper way. It seems to me that there are several sentence with inappropriate structure then makes me confuse as a reader. For instance in the second sentence in paragraph 2. However, I believe that you can do your best in the your next writing.

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