Please give helpful criticism. Thanks
The prompt: Write about something you learned on your own in less than 400 words
When I was in first grade, the big kids always got ahead of me in PokĂŠmon. They always beat the bosses first. They captured the rare PokĂŠmon first. Everything that could be done, they did it first. And I was getting tired of that. I always had to ask them for help. But I caught a break. The big kids couldn't beat Groudon. And my older brother, one of the big kids, recently got a guidebook that they never touched. I read through it in almost a day. I found out tricks the big kids never would have found. Soon, I was ahead of them. And after they saw how I far ahead of them I was, they came rushing to me for advice.
That could mean I taught myself how to play PokĂŠmon, which is true. But it also means I taught myself how to learn. That is the most valuable thing I taught myself. It was also one of the simplest. The trick? Stick to it. Even in the example of PokĂŠmon, I had to read everything I could, practice, fail, and keep doing it. This applies to everything else. When I taught myself astronomy, I had to read books and online articles, look at the sky every chance I got, and just keep doing it. It's just like Nike's motto: Just Do It. I just did it.
I even use this lesson to help me now. For example, I always ask my teachers "why." I even ask "why" for the little things, like why is the mix between sodium and chlorine called sodium chloride. If my teacher doesn't give what I think I a sufficient answer, I go home and use the omnipotent Google. I read Wikipedia entries, Harvard papers, NASA articles, and whatever else I can get a hold of. This is just one of the many ways I use this lesson now.
Of course, nobody learns anything just by himself or herself. I needed the help of my parents to teach myself how to learn. They always pushed me to just do it. Without their help, I wouldn't have been able to teach myself how to learn. I need my teachers to introduce me to new topics. They also need to give me insufficient answers.
I can truthfully say that PokĂŠmon taught me the most important thing I know. It shaped me. Without PokĂŠmon, I would have been a very different person.
Thanks,
Dudeman
I say go for it when it comes to Pokemon being the overarching motif in your essay. It's different and unique, just what admission officers look for. I know many people who wrote about the influence of a video game or something like their favorite pair of pants. Seems a bit silly at first, but a well composed essay on a topic like that will sure to catch attention no matter who the reader is and you'll definitely stand out.
I suggest beginning the essay in media res, maybe in the midst of a Pokemon game as you hear the cards shuffle, anticipating each and every move, or if you're playing a video game, the sound of the buttons being victimized by your fingers (something along those lines). It doesn't have to be dialogue, it can be through context. Let the reader see, hear and feel as they read.
You can eliminate the reference about the influence of your parents, because you go off on a tangent (it's also a bit redundant) and then you abruptly end it with a reference back to Pokemon. Stick to that one topic throughout the whole piece. Discuss the significance of it and elaborate on that.
Mostly in the beginning of the essay, you have a lot of simple sentences which can be easily combined to save the word restriction so you can successfully utilize it to your advantage.The essay reads a bit choppy, as well.
For example: "But it also means I taught myself how to learn. That is the most valuable thing I taught myself " - Hear you're basically saying the same thing thing in two sentences which could possible be shortened to one while retaining the message (and the concept of teaching yourself how to learn sounds a bit vague) Maybe something like - "I discovered the essentials of my abilities to understand things." Just an idea.
Good start and good luck. keep on
