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IELTS Task 2: tax for junk food and education to consume healthy products


bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 13, 2016   #1
I would like to share my essay, your critical statement makes my essay better than before, thanks anyway

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Up to the present time, enlarged consumption of junk food is one of the biggest problems around the world. Resultantly, some officials have formulated regulation to reduce the rate of this problem. For instance, the companies serving unhealthy food must pay more expensive tax for selling junk food. From my perspective, I strongly agree this statement.

In the first reason, education of healthy food is absolutely important because when children have proper education about food, they would certainly avoid unhealthy food affecting various diseases. Therefore, the officials should produce health ads to promote excellent health with the right food or they could put up posters about the dangers of consuming fast food each school. Moreover, by using tax revenue, government could allocate funds to educate kids about the quality food.

In the other reason, increasing taxes for fast food companies would push up the price of this food and lower people consuming it. High price of junk food would lead people being not able to afford this food. Therefore unhealthy food would be luxury item to be consumed because the food is too costly and most people are not able to buy it. For example, the cost of fancy food in restaurant is extremely costly for most people, so few of population can buy it regularly. Moreover, people would move to eat healthy food which is more inexpensive than junk food.

In conclusion, the regulation to tax junk food higher is appropriate steps because it can add the cost for healthy education for children and also cause the price of food to be too expensive. I would like to suggest that governments should apply this rule consistently for better live in the future.(283 words)
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 13, 2016   #2
hallo Mr. Ilham..
let me try to correct your essay

Resultantly , some officials have formulated ...
i can't find the meaning of resultantly, i'd prefer to write as the result

I strongly agree with this statement.

the companies serving unhealthy food must ...
we can't use plural noun in the begining of a noun phrase

... would push up the price of this food and lower people consuming it.
you need to use a verb after conjunction 'and' because you have writen a verb 'push' in the first sentence and lower is not a verb

Therefore unhealthy food would be luxury items to be consumed ...

i wish it can help to improve your writing skill and let's improve our writing skill
OP bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 14, 2016   #3
thank you @ekalamarsyari, let me explain my essay

Resultantly = linking words of result, it is synonym of therefore, as a result, consequently, and moreover

companies serving = reducing of "companies which serve"

lower = it is synonym verb of "reduce"
Halim15 7 / 11  
Aug 14, 2016   #4
hi Ilham :)
If i may give you an advice, this is my corrections and I hope it helps

... the food is too costly and most people areis not able to buy it

Cheers!
OP bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 14, 2016   #5
halo Halim15, thank you for your correction, but I would like to explain my essay

"most people" is plural noun, so I have to use "are" to be verb agreement


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