financial assistance to artists
Some people think that governments should be give financial support to creative artists such as painter and musician. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One of the problems of modern society is to provide financial assistance to artists in general, with conflicting views on how to tackle this tend. Some people consider one of the possible solution is to provide material aid from the state. While other think that artists should seek help from the private sector.
Advocates of this believe that government should ensure painters and musician because an artist can seem like a quality of life through his creation. For this reason, it is beneficial for the state to provide financial aid to the artist. Government has a wider range of opportunities because it has access to a large part of the state's resources. For instance, government could provide free-of-charge exhibition or concert spaces for local budding artists to showcase their talent for public views. In addition, the government can make good money if paintings or sculptures of artists enter the world market.
On the other hand, some people oppose the idea of government funding the artist's work, arguing that those resources could have been diverted away from improving public amenities like building roads. Thus, artists should seek multiple sources of funding such as through private companies, not-for-profit organizations or high net-worth individuals. For many years top brand companies have actively supported creative initiatives by artists. They sponsor exhibitions and performances, award prizes in the field of art, design and music. Private sector sponsorship can help ease pressure on government.
In conclusion, I think that the government should provide financial assistance to artists at the beginning of their careers because painters and musician are artists and not businessmen.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Okay... if information is not stated in the original prompt, do not use it in your prompt paraphrase. Financially supporting artists is not a problem of society. There is nothing in the original prompt to indicate that. Do not exaggerate. Just stick to the given parameters for the topic. In this case, it is a mere discussion of an idea, an idea does not equate into a problem. Your reference point for the discussion is off base.
Next, the paraphrase itself is problematic. You are not covering the discussion instructions in your representation. While you did state the two public points of view, and even used the proper person reference in the discussion paragraphs, you failed to indicate that this is a compare and contrast essay inclusive if a personal opinion. Something like this:
Imaginative people who dabble in the arts are believed by some to be worthy of financial support by the government. However, an opposing belief indicates that these artistic crowd should be funded in a manner other than government subsidies. It is important that I present the reasons behind the public discussion so that I can give my personal opinion on the topic.
You have to remember that the personal opinion needs to add to the coherence and cohesiveness of the given discussion by supporting one of the two given points of view. That is done by developing a stand alone paragraph for your personal opinion. It is never presented as a single sentence in the conclusion. That is because the personal opinion needs to have a clearly stated point of view, properly defended and supported with examples within a paragraph.
The concluding paraphrase is located in the final paragraph. It must be composed of a restatement of the topic, the reasons provided, and a reiteration of your point of view. It is 3-5 sentences long and should properly remind the reader of the previous discussion points. That is why this is a 5 paragraph essay, not a 4 paragraph essay. Properly develop your paragraphs with clear explanations so that you can score better overall.
By the way, you have a big vocabulary issue. Tend means to means to exhibit an inclination or tendency. You meant to use the word trend, which means a prevailing tendency or inclination. You meant to use the latter term. Do not use words if you are not sure of the meaning. You are scored, within the LR and GRA section, on the accuracy of your word usage. One mistake, such as this one, affects 2 scoring considerations on a downward trend. That will not be good for your overall final score.
Try to use other punctuation marks in your presentation so help increase your standalone GRA score. Don't just use commas and periods. Try to use semi-colons and colons, apostrophe's and the like as well. The GRA score considers your ability to properly use a series of punctuation marks as well. Limiting yourself to the basics also limits your scoring potential.
