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IELTS Task 1 : Taxes burden citizens in some countries.


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Mar 11, 2015   #1
People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Money has been as an essential part of humankind. For this reason, the majority of workers argue that their money should not be spent on tax because they need to fulfill their basic survival needs. While this reason can be understandable for some reasons, I utterly believe that paying tax brings some tangible benefits as it supports the development of the countries.

Some workers that support the argument of not paying tax believe that they are the breadwinners who withstand the financial matters of their families. Result shows that in the cosmopolitan cities such as Melbourne and London, the cost of living is extremely expensive. Averagely, citizens have annual expenditure of $52,000. It can be concluded that if they have to pay tax, they will have no enough money to survive.

In addition, some people who have an occupation take responsibility for paying the children's education cost rather than spending money on the state. A study, conducted by Harvard University, points out that tuition fees are by far the largest proportion of spending money which requires over a half of amount of personal income. By doing so, the more the tax they pay, the more the education becomes neglected.

On the other hand, tax is the main financial resource for governments to develop the country. Firstly, the significant development can be seen in the public facilities. For pragmatic instance, local council of Jakarta spends much money on public transportation, houses, and green areas. Another contribution of taxes is to provide citizen with better health care that can result in prolonging life expectation. Finally, taxes are used to give benefit support for people who live under poverty line.

The aforementioned evidence examines that the tax which citizens have paid helps governments to improve welfare state in the country. While paying tax can burden people linked to living cost and education matters, it fosters the developments in the country. Where possible, all citizens should pay taxes as their responsibilities.

dquinlan11 - / 16 7  
Mar 11, 2015   #2
Hello tiaDS,
A well-thought response! My suggestions would largely be grammar/punctionation-based and word choice. For example:

"While this reason can be understandable for some reasons , I utterly believe" (you use the word "reason" twice here in the same clause, this can be repetitive for the reader and slow down their progress; I'd suggest rewording this to be more concise, such as "While this point is understandable,...")

"A study, conducted by Harvard University, points out that tuition fees" (these commas are probably not necessary; they create a break in the sentence that might be unnatural for readers)

"For pragmatic instance, local council of Jakarta..." (this word is not necessary)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 11, 2015   #3
some people who have an occupation take responsibility for paying the children's education cost rather than spending money on the state. A

This is not clear enough. Some tips to clarify it. State that.
Why white or blue collar should be responsible for children education in general ? Is it kind of policy to subsidy children school grant from the occupational worker's salaries ? if it's yes state where and when is it ?

. Result shows that in the cosmopolitan cities such as Melbourne and London, the cost of living is extremely expensive. Averagely, citizens have annual expenditure of $52,000.

Not every reader has wide range of knowledge on living standard in the countries that you attached. It is better to you to depict the comparison between the average expenditure and the moderate living cost there.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Tia, remember to show how far do you agree or disagree with the issue in your conclusion.

Beside those suggestions, you did a good job :)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 11, 2015   #4
Money has beenisas an essential part of humankind.

paying tax brings some tangible benefits as it supportsplays a vital role in the development of the countries.

citizens have an annual expenditure of $52,000

It can be concluded that if they have to pay taxGiven the high tax rates in these cities , they will have no not enough money to survive

In my opinion, it would be more convincing if you could show readers the figure after paying tax, rather than stating "not enough money to survive" alone.

In addition, some people who have an occupation take responsibility for paying the children's education cost rather than spending money on the state.

This sentence lacks clarity, and actually, I don't think paying tax generally could limit people from spending on their basic needs.

give benefit support for people

The aforementioned evidence examines that

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that...
autumn_waltz 8 / 14 2  
Mar 19, 2015   #5
Hi,

ResultA recent study/research shows that in the cosmopolitan cities such as Melbourne and London, the cost of living is extremely expensive

(By doing so), the more the tax they pay, the more the education becomes neglected.
"By doing so" is used incorrectly here. By doing what? - it should be linked with a specific verb in the previous sentence. For example: "Jim tied his shoes. By doing so, he was able to run"

The aforementioned evidence examinesreveals that the tax which citizens have paidpay helps governments to improve welfare state in the country.
lynzee22 - / 90 37  
Mar 19, 2015   #6
While this reason can be understandable for some reasons, I utterly believe that paying taxes brings some tangible benefits as it supports the development of the countries. be careful with tax and taxes. You use tax a lot when it should be taxes.

Some workers that support the argument of not paying taxes believe that they are the breadwinners who withstand the financial matters of their families.

Resultresearch shows that in the cosmopolitan cities such as Melbourne and London, the cost of living is extremely expensive.

Averagely, citizens have an average annual expenditure of $52,000.

In addition, some people who have an occupation take responsibility for paying thefor their children's education cost rather than spending money on the state.

On the other hand, taxes areis the main financial resource for governments to develop the country .

Firstly, the significant development can be seen in the public facilities.

Overall, this was a well thought out, well-organized essay. I hope my corrections helped. they are mostly just grammatical corrections, as I did not see anything wrong with your content.


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