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IELTS Writing Task 2: taxes for the public education system promotion?


Rogerscup 5 / 8 1  
Sep 1, 2018   #1

'private schools' essay



FAMILIES WHO SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO PRIVATE SCHOOLS SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED TO PAY TAXES THAT SUPPORT THE STATE EDUCATION SYSTEM.
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

Some people believe that there should be unnecessary to pay taxes to promote the public education system for those parents who send their children to private school. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.

There are various reasons why it would be wrong to reduce the taxes for parents who pay for the private schools. Firstly, if we decide not to pay taxes to enhance the intact of state schools, it will be a big troublesome for those who works in the state government. Because it is quite difficult to calculate the total amount of families who let their children study in private education, and it would be an increase of staffs that should be responsible for the duty of counting the students who have academy in private schools. Secondly, we all pay the same amount of taxes to public services, but usually we may not have chances to use it . For example, most people are not fortunate enough to call for the polices or firefighters in our lives, but we would not ask for a reduction of paying taxes. Finally, it would be ridiculous that the rich people, sending their children to private schools, have a tax reduction, while the poor do not have an advantage on it.

In my opinion, paying taxes to support the state education system may bring us more benefits than bad things. We will have a well-produced study system that can make our young students have equal opportunities to gain knowledge from schools. This will lead to a well-educated workforce, and make our country become more prosperous and productive. For instance, companies will need a well-educated and talented employee, and good public education system can provide this staff. Furthermore, some parents believe that state education system provides less resources than private school does, but this view will be diminished soon as long as we have great funds on education system.

In conclusion, I firmly disbelieve that there should be any financial concessions for the families who choose private education.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,845 4177  
Sep 2, 2018   #2
Shao, your opening paragraph is a run-on sentence. Kindly remember that all the paragraphs should have a minimum of 3 sentences in order to qualify for a proper C&C and GRA consideration. Any less than that and you will get a lower score consideration because of the lack of clarity and proper sentence structure in your presentation. Writing up to 5 sentences will allow you to reach the maximum scoring potential of each paragraph.

Your second paragraph is composed of under developed sentences, reasoning, and explanations. This has a direct effect again, on your GRA and C&C scoring. One topic per paragraph, properly explained with:

1. Topic sentence
2. Reasoning for the sentence
3. Example
4. Relevance of the example with the topic
5. Transition sentence to the next paragraph topic

Due to the mixed discussions that you present in each paragraph, you fail to meet the above requirements that would normally help you to increase your C&C score. Speaking of the C&C score, your LR score will also see problems with scoring because of your improper vocabulary usage. One example of this error can be seen in the following sentence:

Firstly, if we decide not to pay taxes to enhance the intact of state schools

-What do you mean by "intact"? Did you mean to use the term "impact" instead?

Proof reading for clarity and scoring considerations towards the end of the exam time will always help increase your overall scoring. If you do not leave at least 5-10 minutes to review your work before submission, you leave these problems unattended without remembering that every mistake you make with your writing will have an impact on each scoring consideration. You could end up with an unexpected low score in the final scoring. Reviewing, editing, and revising your essay should become a standard part of your daily practice runs under a timed situation setting.
sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Sep 2, 2018   #3
Hi. You abused using the words "we, our" in this essay, in which mitigate the academicness in your writing. While your ideas are spot-on in my opinion, however you tended to overdiscuss the topic without short but effective explanations. Next time, polish your writing.


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