shaping children's well-being
Topic: For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Children of young ages are easily affected by the adults around them, in terms of intelligence and social development. Although it is true that teachers have more significant impact on children's academic knowledge, I believe parents are more responsible for their socialization.
The school teachers' job are meant to broaden the knowledge of children and enhance their abilities. All teachers must have gone through strict education and training, making them qualified enough to help their students to discover new horizons. In addition, teachers have indispensable skills in working with children, take care of their different individual needs and at the same time deal with unexpected situations, especially when it comes to young kids. Besides, the subjects students learn at school are theoretical knowledge that changes children's concept of the world. Certainly, teachers are the most suitable adults to orientate them.
On the other hand, the role of improving children's social life is for their parents. It is undeniable that parents are the first people that kids reach out to when they encounter problems, as well as their initial role models. Children tend to imitate their parents' speech and behaviors. Moreover, compared to teachers, parents spend much more time with their own children - more time for kids to pick up good characteristics from their parents. The bond between them is extremely powerful and heartfelt, same as how strong parents' influence on children is.
In conclusion, both parents and teachers hold vital positions in shaping children's well-being. While teachers role is leading them to the world of intellectual knowledge, parents are responsible for developing their social life.Overall, I think your essay is well-done. However, I think using more synonyms to substitute some repeated words like teachers, children, parents for ones like tutors, adolescents, teenagers, youngsters, the young, guardian... will make your writing more incredible
@nimbus2k2
Hi there. I'll provide you with feedback on this writing task.
Firstly, I suggest going back and focusing more on the fundamental grammatical rules as your composition's appropriateness kinda gets in the way. Try to focus more on the genuine validity of your writing in the long-run. For instance, your opening sentence can be improved by omitting the words "in terms of" and the comma; afterwards, shift around the structure of the sentence to allocate intelligence and social development to the front of the text.
Furthermore, try to also add more concrete examples in your text that will help you curate a more substantial input in your writing. How exactly do these things play out in real life? In what situations and contexts?
Best of luck as always.
@huyhihung10A @Maria thank you both for the comments!
