Hope that someone can correct my mistakes and give some suggestions.
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends.
It is hard to say who are more influent in student's decisions. Generally speaking, I believe that there are two different phases in student's lives. In other words, in high school friends are more influents and in under graduation professors are more influents.
First of all, it is important to consider that in high school students are in a very rebellious period. Students do not listen teacher's advices. Of course, at this time families suffer more with this typical behavior because they have the responsibility to advise them. For example, in high school students are teenager and because of that they want to be accepted by the group of friends. Therefore, they prefer to imitate their friends despite of their teachers and family.
In under graduation they are more mature and professor are more influent than friends. I will be the first to admit that at the beginning parties are very common in student's life but in the middle though the end of the university our priorities change and we are more concerned to our profession life. For example, when I was at university in my city I vividly remember I used to talk with my professor about career. The most important professor I had was my advisor who influenced me to attend master degree and be a professor in the future.
To conclude, based on the arguments exposed above, I am of the opinion that it depends on which phase the student are. In high school, friends have more influence because student's priorities are not be a good professional while in under college it is.
I would like to help you with some of your essay.
Throughout the essay, change the word influent to "influential". I think you wanted to make student's plural, so you should avoid using an apostrophe before the -s in the word. Here is a suggestion for the first sentence: "It is difficult to state who are more influential in students' decisions". The next sentence should be "students' lives".
If you want to discuss phases you should separate your sentences. Here are some suggestions: In other words, "The first phase is when high school friends are more influential. The second phase and in under is after graduation when college professors are more influential."
2nd paragraph: "...listen to their teacher's advice". Here is a suggestion for this sentence: "For example, in high school, students are teenager and because of that they want to be accepted by their group of friends and listen to their advice. I think you needed to add these words because your paragraph discusses the issue of listening to advice from others. The last sentence: "imitate their friends rather than their teachers and family".
3rd paragraph: Here is another suggestion: In under graduation "After students graduate college, they are more mature and professors are more influential in their lives than their friends." Since you discuss a master's degree program, I assume that you have a degree and are discussing your own journey. I think the next sentence you should simply describe how when a person first enters a university, partying may occur but as the years progress his or her mentality changes. The next sentence place "a" before university and "my" before career. The last sentence: "a master's degree program".
Final paragraph-I think you should revise the last paragraph. The beginning is good, but then the ideas are confusing. Keep your ideas simple when you explain the phases.
For introductory paragraph, you better put the thesis statement in the end. Let me give a try:
It is hard to say who have more important roles in students' lives (hook). While some people argue that students are influenced more by teachers than peers, others believe that the influence given by friends even more than teachers (background). In my opinion, both of them seem to influence significantly in students' behavior and personality, but at different phases which will be discussed below (thesis statement).
The conclusion then will be like this:
The aforementioned evidence shows that either teachers or friends affect some aspects of the students' life, and it seems to happen based on the level of education they are pursuing (rephrase thesis statement). This condition should be encouraged so as to develop students' positive qualities (final thought).
Hope this little feedback helps you..
