TOEFL Essay,"Teachers should take courses or training to upgrade"

Hi,

Request you to please check and correct my essay. I mentioned the reasons which came in my mind while writing, any other reasons would be appreciated. Thanks:)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Teachers should take a course or training to upgrade their knowledge.
Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In today's fast paced world, everyone needs to get themselves upgrade in all areas and teachers are the most important person in our life after parents. When kids first time enter in a school teacher is the first person with whom he or she spent time without parents so, teacher's role is very important after parents to make the kids career. We all can see the difference between each generation. Every next generation is advanced than the previous one. So, taking course or training is the need of an hour and therefore teachers should take that to upgrade their knowledge.

Knowledge is vast and our whole life is also not sufficient to obtain all that knowledge. Education system is also improving day by day. I remember when I was in school, I never knew about the computers. I took some private computer courses after schooling then I got some knowledge about computers. Nowadays, computer is the compulsory subject for all students from first grade. So, it is not compulsory that all teachers should have all knowledge about everything. They also need to upgrade themselves to teach. I remember our Principal, a very eager person to learn any new thing. Not only to learn but he always utilize his knowledge to improve the education system. Every year he attends various seminars in abroad and learns something new. He also gives chance to other teachers to attend that seminar and allows other teachers from that country to exchange their knowledge with us. Such training and seminars help to motivate the teachers.

On the other hand, there are many schools which are equipped with technologies but, teachers do not know how to use it so there is no use of that technology. Proper training and courses are necessary to use that technology. Researchers did some search on it, in that they compared result of students who were under the guidance of trained teachers and students who were under the guidance of untrained teachers and it is observed that result of students who were under the guidance of trained teachers is much more better than that of the other ones. So, proper training to the teachers can help to make student's career bright.

Finally, proper training and advance courses play a vital role in every field but, teachers are the first person who learns first and then teach to kids. Kid learns to learn from teachers only so, their knowledge needs to upgrade first.

Thanks,
Ana.

In today's fast paced ( ever changing) world, everyone needs to /get /themselves / upgrade ( themselves)in /all/ (their )areas(, and)
teachers are (no exception as they are) the most important /person /(educators ) in our life after parents. When /kids / (children) first time enter /in/ a school(,) teachers are /is / the (one) /first pe / with whom he or she /spent / (spend) time without parents. So, teacher's role is very important /after/ (besides) parent to make the /kids / (children) /career/ (wise and learned.)We all can see the difference between each (new) generation. Every /next / (coming) generation is ( more) advanced than the previous one. /So, taking course or training is the need of an hour and / therefore teachers should take /that / (the training ) to upgrade their knowledge.

Good opening statement though it has a few issues :)
everyone needs to get themselves upgraded in all areas and teachers are the most important person people in our life after parents ----------- teacher --> person / teachers ----> people

Also this sentence seems a bit incomplete. My suggestion;

....everyone needs to get themselves upgraded in all areas and teachers being the most important people in our life after parents, they need to keep updating their knowledge in order to deliver their best to the next generation.

When kids first time enter into a school, the teacher is the first outside person with whom he or she they (kids---> they / kid ----> he/she)spent time without parentsinteract so closelyso,and therefore the teacher's role is very important after parents to make the kids career.(sounds repetetive and irrelevant)to influence their academic interest and personal growth that lay the foundation for a successful future.

and teachers are the most important person(u should use a plural word here)

...after parents to makeshape the kids' thoughts, attitudes toward various facets of life, and their capability in different subjectscareer


How and in which way one generation is superior to another one. U should explain it for connecting it to the next sentence that u want to talk about teachers training.

U used the word "upgrade" for several times. try to use another word.

Regards
Ahmad