Dear friends, please give your feedback on my essay addressing the Task 2.
Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
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Bringing-up of a child is a complex task, which includes dozens of difficult choices. One of the decisions made by parents is whether to teach a child at home or to send her to a school. Despite such circumstances as amount of free-time of the parents or their income affect the final decision, I would try to answer this question from the prism of what is the best for a child.
On the one hand, teaching at home, especially when it is performed by a parent with relevant education and skills, could lead to more effective absorption of the material by a kid as the parent has opportunity to adjust his approach for the only student. On the other hand, going to a school implies that a girl or a boy is surrounded by other pupils of the similar age. So a child learns not only specific school subjects, but also models of behaviour and communication with other children.
In my opinion, it's more important for a person to be an effective communicator, than to possess any applied subjects, for life-long success. That is why I think going to a school is better educational method as it creates specific environment, in which a small person learn to be a good person.
Those children who spent years at home and were not exposed to a full-scale society which could be found at schools more often have difficulties in making friends and finding a partner for a life. I can give an example of my neighbor's son who did not go to school until he was nine years old. His father periodically talks to me how difficult was for his son to survive in the school when he was in last classes.
That is why I am convinced that it's better for children to go to school than to be educated at home.
Hello VadimKlimenko
Your text is very refined, as it is, but you could still use applying some stylistic adjustments to it, They are as follows:
Despite [...] the fact that such variables as the amount of free-time on parents' hands or their income do affect...
from [...] through...
On the [...] one hand...
other pupils [...]peers of the same age.
not only [...] some specific...
but also [...] what accounts for the socially appropriate behavioral pattern.
it's [...] it is...
than to [...] be considered an expert in some narrow professional field...
going to school [...] is much better of an educational strategy...
a small person [...] an adolescent learns how to be a productive citizen.
spent years [...] most of their time...
were not exposed [...] denied the opportunity to socialize with others, will be much more likely to have trouble trying to make friends and...
My neighbor's son, who... [...] exemplifies the validity of this suggestion.
in the school [...]...
in last classes [...] through his senior years.
I hope it helped. Regards.
Hi Vadim, below are my observations on your essay;
- the length and physical presentation of the essay is just right to the needed length of the writing project
- you manage to create relevance on the argument presented, what I like about the essay is the fact that you cited the advantage and the disadvantages of the situations and this is the right approach in creating an argument
- the words and overall sentence construction in your essay us equipped with ideas that answers what is asked if the prompt
Lastly, as a reader/ reviewer, I felt your personality in writing this essay, somehow, I believe you are not only writing but you also feel the plight of the parents in raising kids and I know you aim for their welfare. On another note, "On the one hand ", should be " On the other hand", and refrain from beginning you sentence with cliché sentences or phrases rather, you can do this if it's according to the idea or followed by an explanation.
