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"teaching and researching working together lead to the success" -Ielts writing


chinge 1 / 1  
Aug 20, 2011   #1
Hi all
I will take ielts next month but not confident about my writing. Now I am practising one. Do you mind read through it and give me some advices? Thank you!

Topic:
some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

And my essay:

Recently, the controversial debate surrounding universities has sparked interests among students and the media. Some of them deem universities principally provide training for people to be qualified employees. However, others support that it is more reasonable to set down universities as a centre of culture life where knowledge is transferred and updated. This essay will argue that the main functions of universities as the highest educational institution are teaching and researching.

Firstly, imparting knowledge and educating people are basic duty of universities where people decide career direction and acquire more specialized knowledge and skills. Systematic and comprehensive training programs in specific fields urge people to master information required quickly and thoroughly. Nevertheless, universities are not only continuation of schooling but a platform where people start knowing more about society. The essential social capabilities such as communication skills, teamwork, leadership and time management are gradually cultivated with group workshops and various kinds of social activities in universities.

Secondly, universities playing the most important role in education system have to guarantee the knowledge conveyed is true and useful, which can be achieved through the researching function. Old knowledge is applied to particular problems during research and solutions found often bring about innovations in culture and technology to promote human and communities to step forward.

In conclusion, it can be seen that universities produce a great many of talents with outstanding teaching and advance the progress of human society with achievements in scientific research. Both teaching and researching working together lead to the success of today's universities.

END

254 words

beepro21 15 / 22  
Aug 21, 2011   #2
STRONG POINTS
1.Lexical resources: you used a variety of vocabulary and quite successful in the 1st para
2.Task achievement: you did quite well even though the conclusion isn't very impressive.
The essential social capabilities such as communication skills, teamwork, leadership and time management are gradually cultivated with group workshops and various kinds of social activities in universities.=>great point

WEAK POINTS:
1.Wordiness:
'the controversial debate surrounding universities' =>the controversial debate around university
'as a centre of culture life where knowledge is transferred and updated.'=> propagated
2.Grammar and expression:
imparting knowledge and educating people are basic duty of universities where people decide career direction and acquire more specialized knowledge and skills
=>The primary duty of universities is imparting knowledge and training people to become high-quality labour force resources for country development.

'Some of them deem universities principally provide training for people to be qualified employees.'what does the word "them" refer to?;
=>some people deem that ...

Systematic and comprehensive training programs in specific fields urge people to master information required quickly and thoroughly
=> run-on sentence.To achieve their long-term targets, universities must have systematic and comprehensive training programs.

universities playing the most important role in education system have to guarantee the knowledge conveyed is true and useful, which can be achieved through the researching function

=> run-on sentence.The second function of universities is to guarantee that the knowledge spread widely is true and useful, which require serious and thorough researching of many scholar generations.

'Old knowledge is applied to particular problems during research and solutions found often bring about innovations in culture and technology to promote human and communities to step forward.'

=> Results of researches and knowledge taught in universities should be applied to solve particular problems in real life so that they can bring about innovations in culture and technology and promote society to step forward

3.Coherence and cohesion
Your writing lacks coherence and cohesion.

.
OP chinge 1 / 1  
Aug 22, 2011   #3
Thank you so much for these valuable advices that help me a lot.^^


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