Hello everybody, thanks to help me revise my IELTS essay, I need to get 6 in writing test.
When country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. agree or disagree?
Technology are growing very fast in the modern world, technological equipment is widely used in our daily life. In this fast changing environment, someone may think it's no longer necessary to keep traditional skills alive. I disagree with the idea.
Although technology make our life fell more convenient, we have become totally reply on it. When doing some math problems, people use calculator and computer instead of our own brain, result can be worked out automatically, at the same time, we use our mind to think and judge much lesser than before. Also, some of the courses and degrees can be taught by using online teaching system, while it save much time to attend the classes, both teachers and students lose the opportunity to discuss face to face, which have negative impact on our communication skills. Furthermore, the trend is that plenty of jobs in the factory are easily replaced by machine, pushing many workers to pick up new knowledge, otherwise they will lose their jobs.
Traditional ways represent not only a country, but also a culture and history, it should be preserved and kept for our young generation. Interestingly, Technology can be fully used to preserve the traditional culture. For instance, Google released their online museum project which show you hundreds of famous museums and their most valued arts around the world. By clicking your mouse you will see a very clear and high quality scan of painting.
In a summary, technology is our best friend, we should keep our traditional skills as well. When we enjoying the better life technology bring us, we need to protect our culture foundation as well.
When doing some math problems, people use calculator and computer instead of our own brain, result can be worked out automatically, at the same time, we use our mind to think and judge much lesser than before.
Avoid such long sentences... they tend to disturb your flow and clarity of your idea. Let's break this sentence into a few and see how clarity improves;
When we do some math problems, we now use calculator or computer instead of doing mental calculations. These devices produce much faster and accurate results than our own mind.It seems you have understood the essay structure that is required to follow for this task. Pay more attention to vocabulary and clarity of your ideas. Practice with simple and short sentences. When you are more confident, you can lengthen the sentences!
Thank you Dumi!
I have the same feeling that I am lack of vocabulary when I write essays, even though I know lots of them, I cannot remind and apply to writing task.
Thank you:)
You present good arguments in your essay. But there are a few grammatical errors.
Technology areis growing very fast in the modern world, technological equipment is widely used in our daily life.
This is true but i think it would sound better like this...
Technology is becoming more and more advanced by the day and it's becoming an essential part of our lives.Although technology make our life fell more convenient, we have become totally reply on it.
... This sentence has several issues. Using "although" at the front doesn't seem to match with the ending of your sentence.
Technology has made our lives very convenient and we have grown to be dependent on it. .... OR...
Although technology makes our lives very convenient, we should not be so dependent on it.When doing some math problems, people use calculator and computer instead of our own brain, result can be worked out automatically, at the same time, we use our mind to think and judge much lesser than before.
... This a very good point you are trying to say, but it has not been presented properly.
Nowadays, people tend to use the calculator even to solve the simplest of maths problem which can be very easily worked out using our brain. This sort of dependence is bad for an individual.Furthermore, the trend is that plenty of jobs in the factory are easily replaced by machine, pushing many workers to pick up new knowledge, otherwise they will lose their jobs.
.... This is a good point which needs to be presented properly.
Many labor jobs are being lost because they can be done by machines and workers need to acquire the knowledge how to handle these machines in order to keep their jobs.Tradition not only represents a country, it defines who we are. It is important to give more reasons as to why tradition must be preserved. Using technology as a method to preserve tradition is a good idea.Try to back it up with some more reasons as to why tradition should be preserved.
hope my suggestions help
:)
Hi my88626,
I have the same feeling that I am lack of vocabulary when I write essays, even though I know lots of them, I cannot remind and apply to writing task.
This where the reading others essays and your own practice come in help. Don't worry.... you will find yourself improving day by day! Make use of this site and post your essays here.... There are many people to help you improve here : )
There are loads of essays here on EF that are written on IELTS and TOEFL independent writing tasks. You can read them for picking up the right usage of vocabulary and also the points. Read the comments provided by others too :)
Keep practicing .... : )
