Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Technological dependence - Social Science final exam


Wendy Li 2 / 1  
Jun 21, 2016   #1
Technology dependence is the use of technology that connects with physical, psychological and social function. At present, human focus is primarily on phone technology. It can affect not only the individual things but also in human's relationship, family's communication, and work. In 2013, according to a survey, in 12,000 adults, 61% millennial(18-24) believe it can making people less human, 59% millennial felt that society has become too depend on it.

Humans are more dependence on technology at present. With the techology develop quickily, humans are more dependent on technology today. Techology makes our life easier. In modern life, everything with techology is close, such as Elevator, Wi-Fi, Oven. Without phones, human cannot remember friend's phone number. Without phone, they may feel embarrassed to talk with each other face-to-face. Besides, who wants to chat with others may drive to their's house and talk on face-to-face, they just sent message or talk on the phone. If ask people to give their own opinions about if human more reliable on it, it must be in one sides, 77% people has the same answers that human more reliable on it. Thirty years ago, kids are play sports and getting oxygen outsides. However, more than 75% childrens are plays video games and staying doors now. Many people are good at communication in the internet, but in real life, they are too shy to talking in the public. They are too dependence on it, that make them lose the chat function. What will happen when they are typing and computer is stop working? They may get angry and annoyed, especially they are typing some important content, after it happen, they cannot do anything.

Before cell phone come out, there have a lot of different ways to transitional information. In the first human societies, before written language evolved, people developed ways to send their messages over long distances. Some tribes used special drum beats to send warnings or important information. Messages were also sent by relaying information by beacons and torches on hilltops. The Ancient Greeks used a person to deliver a message during the Battle of Marathon. In Ancient Rome, they used horses to delivered messages. Pigeons used by deliver messages in Ancient Egypt. In 12th-century England, kings used messengers send messages to other countries. In 14th and 15th-century England, dukes talked in the public.

In the first half-century of European printed the book quickly substitution the the manuscript of earlier generations. In 1631, Newspaper came out in French. In 1791 Claude Chappe develops the idea of a line of hilltop towers, each bearing a structure with two hinged arms. The first mail coach runs from Bristol to London in 1784. In 1854, reporter started report the develop of a battle. In the 1870s, two inventors Elisha Gray and Graham Bell both designed telephone, Bell patented first, then he won, In 1876, the first vioce of telephone is a big successful for Bell, and Bell's famous first words "Mr. Watson -- come here -- I want to see you."

Electronic products of radiation affects human's brain activity. In 2015, a French study showed that the brain EEG photo is changed by GSM cell phone radiation. In 2011, a U.S. study published in the well-known《Journal of the American Medical Association》 interpretation that 50 minutes of phone can changed human brain glucose metabolism in the area of brain closest to the phone antenna. It may effect human's cognitive functions and cause blood flow volume changes.

According to the nearest survey, more than a billion of people plays video games every day. Because of they spend lots of study time to play video games, it cause their's grades decline. In turn, when human play video games, it may activation different parts of brain, such as the left ventral striatal circuit which is an area involved in reward predict. And humans brain may produce a kind of chemical substances called dopamine, when humen play video games, it can make they cheerful and addicted. Researcher are also focus on the seat of hippocampus, learning and memory. Interestingly, the increased volume of gray matter in people who play video games is depending on the types of video game used.

When they use the technology, their brain may revolve slowly and make them habituation. Moreover, with the debate over the violent video games, these findings allowed to rethink scientific information about video games having a positive impact on personal and social lives. When these people play too much violent video games, they may produce some sociopathic thought, such as become a murderer in the real life, use knife kill real person, do something same as the video games.

If human too dependence on technology, their brain may atrophy; if they use GPS to find the way, they may lose the ability to find the way by themself. If they too dependence on it, they may lose the ability to think by themself. At present, human too reliable on it, it make their brain is degeneration. As they type more words in the computer, they cannot write down at paper correctly and when other person asked how to spell this words, they cannot answer at once.

Human are spending as much time in staring at screen as they sleeping. After they use phone for a long time, it occupation their free time and their eyes may get hurt. Follow technology develop, people staring at screen is more than before, it caused they have eyestrain. A 2015 report from The Vision Council, Hindsight Is 20/20/20: Protect Your Eyes from Digital Devices, found that 61 percent of Americans have experienced eye strain after prolonged use of electronic devices - nearly 2 out of every 3 people. Long-term damage or not, we have an outbreak of eye strain on our hands. What can they do to protect their eyes? Keep the screen have certain distance from eyes, after every 20 minutes, take 20 seconds time to relax eyes. Make a eye exercise or go outside to stare at trees or mountains. Technology is already control human's life. When they have a break time, although they are sit together, everyone staring at cell phone. In addition, in study, students cannot leave it, translate words or find resource, they must use internet to find it. They more dependence on it may lead a negative consequence, have a technology addiction. It also caused by stress from exams and they wants to remit it. How to solve this problems? Find a positive way, such as listen to the music, take a walk. By the way, they spend sleep time to play video games, it may affect academic, anthlatic and social skill, and lead to have a angiocardiopathy. If they have an addiction on it, it may change to a hazardous substance and stay in their body. Although it can achieve humans's requirement, it cannot oueruse, a moderate technology resource is helpful, oppsite, it may become a illness caused by themselves.

Technology make life too convenience. It also affects human's life. First of all, human's communication skill may decline caused by advanced science and technology, they do not have social skills to talk with others in the real life, even if they looks knowledgable in the internet. Nowadays, everything is increse, technology change human's behaviour head and shoulders above genetics. In the internet, imformation is hugeness, they can find everything want they want. In addition, it can help they solve some problem. Technology's evolution may affect biology evolution, they too reliable on it, lead genetics in their body may change. Sometimes, no one attention to it, they just think it is convenience for them. In the future, when they use more advanced phone, computer and other technology, who know is biology evolution or technology evolution. Like the Wired founder Kevin Kelly, believe that human lives in age of technology. In his book《What Technology Wants》he writes: " Technology wants what life wants: Increasing efficiency; Increasing opportunity; Increasing freedom; Increasing efficiency." Technology make human work out what they want, increase happiness in the life. At the same time, some thing is decrease. When they have time, take out phone and staring at it for a long time, they do not give eyes fre time, thier view in decrease. On the weekend, children spends time on their video games, have a less time to stay with parents. They should put electronics away, spend time to talk with parents and friends, or go outside to breathe fresh air, close to the nature. In the future, human only need a machine to connect with the world. Machine control everything, it become a necessities same as meal in their life. One day, machine stop working, human cannot do even the most basic things, they lost a part of genegtics that can lead them to think about.

In conclution, nowadays, human too reliable on technology. However, it have two sides: on the one side, make human not bored in their free time and make everything is convience for them, a electrics can connect the world. On the other side, it control human's brain, even change it.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 22, 2016   #2
Hi Wendy, I think this is quite long for a final exam essay. Therefore, I would like to just straightforward explaining my feedback in the descriptions below.

1st paragraph:
- ...in 12,000 adults, 61% millennial (18-24) (space needed) believe it can making people less human, while 59% millennial felt that society has become too dependdependent on it.

2nd paragraph:
- Humans are more dependencedependent on technology...
- With the techologytechnology develop quickily quickly, humans are more dependent...
- TechologyTechnology makes our life easier.
- In modern life, everything with techologytechnology is close... (what did you mean by 'close' here?)
- ...such as elevator, Wi-Fi, and Oven.
- Without phones, human cannot remember friend's phone number.(weak idea, it is unnecessary to explain something like this)
- Without phone, they may feel embarrassed to talk with each other face-to-face. (you need to avoid overgeneralizing. How do you know that "they/people" feel embarrassed. I don't think all people do that. You need to narrow it down, for instance, some people may feel embarrassed.)

- Besides, some people who wants to chat with others may drive to their'stheir houses and talk on face-to-face, they just sentsend message or talk on the phone. (why did you use past form "sent"?)

- If ask people to give their own opinions about if human more reliable on it, it must be in one sides, 77% people has the same answers that human more reliable on it.(sorry to say I didn't get your idea about this sentence. It was too ambiguous.)

- Thirty years ago, kids are playplayed sports and gettinggot oxygen outsides.
- However, more than 75% of childrensare plays video games and staying doors nowthese days.

As seen, you still need a lot of works to be done. Your sentence structure is quite confusing. You can proofread your essay once again to check the rest of the paragraphs above. I hope this is helpful towards your writing development. Good luck in proofreading this essay. :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 22, 2016   #3
Hi Wendy, the moment I saw your essay, I completely agree that it is long for a final exam, not withstanding the fact that your task does not require such a lengthy essay.

Pretty much, the task or the prompt is asking you how dependent are we to technology and I know you will agree that if it was not an essay, this can be answered by, " we are very dependent to technology", then elaborate this answer to include facts, current events, work citations and other pertinent information that will be about more or less 3 paragraphs.

Overall, this essay is somehow full of redundant information, there are a lot of information that has been written in the body or the second part of the essay that was elaborated further in the succeeding paragraphs and this is not needed.

I hope to review the revision soon.


Home / Writing Feedback / Technological dependence - Social Science final exam