Computer is one of among revolutionary inventions that changes the world. When was the first computer invented? According to science.howstuffworks," The device conceived and designed by British mathematician Charles Babbage between 1833 and 1871". And nowadays, computer becomes a means making our society better not only because of its convenient but also of its huge impact.
A computer can be a source of information and improve your communication. With the power of the internet technology, this device can give you anything you need to know by using "Google" or many searching page on the internet. This is a big advantage for people who don't have time to find the information in library or witness themselves. In the past, we used to send letters to contact people that far away but with the computer we can communicate easily by using social network or even make friend with people around the world.
There are various type of entertainment as the computer can be your best entertainment tool. Many forms of entertainment are created for computer by the high technology due to the demand of people. Home entertainment now is improved by music and video games. The device also helps develop the gaming industry with lots of tournaments by competed directly in game using computers played by team teams.
But thing has good side also has the bad one. Computer can be used to create crime. Hackers use computer illegally to get personal information or the top secret one from a company, a organization or even the government for their own good. Programed carefully, computer can automatically create virus files that harm other computers.
Computer is such a wonderful machine. I believe it will keep being developed with advance technology in the future. But for those who use computer should aware of the bad side of this device if they don't want to be a victim of computer crime.
@Hoaidepchi
It is a nice essay, but can you explain what it's for? Is it an essay for homework or a writing prompt in a standarised test? Your ideas are clear, the body of the essay is good. However, i cannot help you further if you can't provide information regarding what the essay is for
Huy, you have mistakenly used coordinate connectors (but, and) as your cohesive device in some sentences in your essay. Those are coordinate connectors and are not supposed to be placed in the beginning of the sentence. In academic writing, placing them in the beginning of the sentence would make the essay becomes less formal or even can be inappropriate for a number of reasons. This is why you are obliged to give the prompt of your essay, so that we are able to match your essay with the given prompt. It is conducted in order to determine whether your essay has successfully answered the prompt or not. Those words can easily be replaced by some proper cohesive devices such as, However/Nevertheless (to replace 'but'), and Additionally/In addition/Furthermore/Moreover (to replace 'and'). These feedback might look simple but it would be really helpful if you pay more attention to it and try to NOT fall into the same mistake again.
@dragonriderme
This essay I prepare for my next examination. It's an argumentative essay. Anything else you want to know ?
@Hoaidepchi
I think the better word for computer crime can be cyber crime.
Overall, Your essay is a good meat to read.
But if are presenting both sides then describe the bad side a little more.
In your essay, you mostly focused on the usage of computers using "the Internet". But before the Internet was available, computers had and still have a lot of benefits as well.
You might want to talk about the following benefits which don't necessarily require the Internet:
1-Storing data: A small computer can store billions of pages of documents which can fit only in a huge building.
2-Quick access information: You can access the intended information in seconds while it could hours if it's on papers.
3-Cost saving: A computer is capable of doing tasks in minutes which can manually be done by tens of people in days.
