Technology is clever - Present Paragraph

Bani 4 / 5

Nov 29, 2012 #1

Our assignment is to write a paragraph about the present tense with correct spelling, grammer, capitilisation, orginisation, punctuation etc. It should have a proper paragraph sturucture. Can you please check if for me. Are the topic sentence and conclusion sentence good?

Technology is a clever and valuable tool which Wal-Mart has used outstandingly. A company called Wal-Mart, that is located all over the world, uses the web to provide comfort and loyalty to their customers. On their website, to gain the reliability and loyalty to their costumers they have "customer written" newsletters and review.

They have provided a similar point of view of "a costumer" so they can believe it.
On their website, to provide comfort to their costumers they have given the entire products catalogue online and on the top right in bright yellow, a store locater.

This strategy has succeeded for Wal-Mart and has grabbed their customers attention since everyone has access to their website, whether it's on a phone or computer.

I am glad that Wal-Mart has realised that they must have an in-depth understanding of who their customers are and what they really want.
These "technology related strategies" that Wal-Mart has used are exceptionally clever and provide customers with easy access and a great deal of comfort.

Thanks in advance :)

dumi 1 / 6,925

1592

Dec 1, 2012 #2

Technology is a clever and valuable tool which Wal-Mart ~~has used~~uses outstandingly.

I guess you need to keep sentences in present tense.

A company called Wal-Mart, that is located all over the world, uses the web to provide comfort and loyalty to their customers.

You talked about Wal-Mart in the previous sentence, so it is now too late to have a formal introduction of Wal-Mart again... Either you should have done this in the first sentence or present its details differently;

Being a multi-national company with gloabal presence, Wal-Mart uses the web extensively to provide more efficient and comfortable service to its loyal customers.

On their website, to gain the reliability and loyalty to their costumers they have "customer written" newsletters and review.

Their website features options such as "customer review" and "newsletters" that help them gain confidence in their customers as a reliable and loyal service provider.

Hope these comments are helpful : )