Question: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
In the early 20 Century, the innovation of communication invented by some individuals is the term of technology development era. It changes people's method in communicating with the others (i.e. family and business partner) from traditional way to be more sophisticated. I personally believe that modern technology reflects a positive development in people's life.
Nowadays, the effective way to communicate with family from different region or even country is not as difficult as the earlier. It is caused by the launch of mobile phone over decades ago bringing about the facilitated life. Texting, phone calling and video calling are typical applications inside the pone that facilitated people to repeatedly talk about their particular condition and problem. For instance, such international students could possibly use gadget services to share and inform their privacy to parent. It is more secure rather than use traditional way in old period, such as letter, occasionally having a risk to be lost or wrong address.
Furthermore, modern technology would certainly have a positive impact for other people's relationships. Business relation, for example, seems highly possible to use some sophisticated applications to undertake crucial meeting from far radius. they are not required to meet directly which often spends much money in funding the accommodations for the journeys. By using video call, it leads two corporations to discuss effectively from different parts of the world. As a result, they can decrease the outcome expanses and be more economical.
To sum up, modern technology seems likely to result in easy, simple and facilitated life of people to interact with their relations likely family colleagues. So that, they are able to create a typical circumstance of relationship.
Razeeta, your body paragraphs look better than your introduction and conclusion. However, I suggest that perhaps you should consider the clarity of your introduction and conclusion rather than body paragraph. It doesn't mean that I recommend you to neglect the body paragraphs, but I do believe that first glance or first impression in introductory paragraph is essential to attract the reader, in this case, examiner. If your first sentence is unclear, I am afraid that will badly damage your whole essay. Now, for some corrections and feedback, you can consider what is written below:
- ...by some individuals is the termthe indicator oftechnologytechnological development era.
- with the others (i.e. family and business partner)(examples can be clearly described in the body paragraph, giving some examples in introduction paragraph is not recommended, since it can cause some repetitions later on your body paragraph)
- ...is not as difficult as the earlier. (you wrote a new paragraph, but 'earlier' doesn't have a referral. It refers to nowhere, which makes it unclear)
- inside the ponephone
- ...radius. theyThey ...
- So ....so that , they are able to create a typical circumstance of relationship.
I hope you find this feedback helpful towards your future development.
Good luck for the next practice! :)
Hi Umu, first of all, WELCOME to Essay Forum, we are a family of writers and students who seek for one and one goal only, to be able to share our learnings. Education is one of the most important aspect in ones life and to be able to share this to others is an act that will change the world, one edit and one share at a time.
Now, I would like to share additional insights on your essay, please find the corrections for the first couple paragraphs.
- by some individuals is the term ofpeople has developed the technology development era.
- communicating with the others
- in people's lifelives .
- family [font#FF000members from
- as the earlier.
- It is caused by the launching of
- bringingbrought about thea facilitated life.
- inside thea pone
- people to repeatedlycontinuously talk
- about their particulareither about their - condition andor problem.
- For instance, such international students
There you have it Umu, editing your essay made is a little bit clearer and the idea is far more better now than the original one, I hope this feedback is useful in coming up with the revised essay.
