Wealth and Technology
Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
Can you please mark my essay and tell me what band do I score? Thank you
There is no doubt that modern technology is reshaping our planet and affecting every aspects of human lives. While some people argue that technological advancements have widened the gap between the wealthy and the poor, I believe that certain technologies are available to all people in the society and make contributions to bridging the wealth gap.
On the one hand , there are several reasons that the wealth inequality is increasing. One reason is the automation. Drive by technology, automation reduces the need of manual labour . As a result, less work opportunities are available for unskilled people who are in lower classes. Furthermore, in term of medical neo -tech, although more and more advanced treatments and medicines are developed to cure a range of diseases, the price of medication is increasingly higher that it is only affordable to rich people. The poor have to spend all of their money for conventional treatments and yet there is no guarantee that their condition will improve. For example, so many poor people are suffering from a lot of chronic illnesses such as cancer or asthma and even die without receiving medical care.
On the other hand, certain innovations and discoveries in technology play an integral role in filling the gap between the rich and the poor. Firstly, some technological advancements are accessible to all people among different social classes due to their availability at cheaper rate. The Internet, for example, is available to almost all section of the society. Secondly, modern technologies have provided great opportunities for the poor to get rich. For instance, the Internet has already made many people become wealthy by setting their own commercial websites. Compared with traditional industries, which require a large initial investment and higher operation cost, the Internet is a much better and cheaper platform to make a fortune for people from all social backgrounds.
In conclusion, although some claim that modern technology increases the gap between the rich and the poor, I strongly believe that it could possibly narrow the difference between social classes.@trungpham96
Hi there.
Like what I always tell most learners here, I won't necessarily give out a band score - but I'll give you the necessary commentaries for your essay.
Firstly, maximize the content of your essay through incorporating more complex words that'll integrate altogether the thoughts you have for your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll be able to trim down the content of your essay, considering that you'll have more space to have substance and depth in your writing. Keep in mind that often we have a tendency to separate words that have synonymous words. If you can omit the usage of these filler words, you'll have the luxury of extending your thoughts into more substantiated formats.
Speaking of omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words, try to remove merged words that have synonymous content. For instance, there's no need for you to say that they are innovations and discoveries, considering that both of these terms are quite intertwined in terms of their overall meaning.
All of this is about creating more tailor-fit content that'll help you relay meaning without losing touch of having a more directed approach towards writing.
With these in mind, I'll demonstrate what they mean through revising a portion of your essay.
... reasons that the wealth ... increasing for the increase in wealth inequality. One reason is the automation. Drive by technology, and automation ... As a result, This results to less work ... people who are in lower classes. ... neo -tech, although more and more advanced ... to cure a range of diseases, the price of ... rich people ; this caused healthcare to be more expensive, causing inaccessibility to the poor. The poor ... will improve People resort to traditional methods without a guarantee of improvement. For example, so many poor people are suffering from a lot of chronic ... or asthma and even may die ...
Keep in mind these comments - and observe the changes I've made. Best of luck as always!
