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Toefl - Technology offer a place to involve children to share their unique ideas


student7 5 / 14  
Jan 20, 2011   #1
Views differ greatly when it comes to the issue of whether technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Many people might think that technology brings too many conveniences to the kids, so the kids lose the chance to do brainstorming to get the answers. However, to my way of thinking, I do not agree with the statement, since I can see much more benefits from using technology.

To begin with, technology builds a more creative environment for children. Through the improvement of technology, kids have opportunity to touch the three-dimensional graphs and movies with which those little kids visual ability can be stimulated. This means that kids would develop a new way to see and search for the objects around their environment. The paintings and artifacts they made would be more flexible and creative, since kids already know how to extend those works and to bring the visual shock to other people. That is to say, they would have more abilities to envision untraditional method for their productions by the progressing technology.

In addition, with the improvement of technology, children have more channels to communicate with other people, searching for some hottest fashion and exchanging their ideas through the Internet. For example, kids can publish their artifact photos or science projects on the public forum to obtain various suggestions from the Internet. Doing so definitely enables them to refine or alter their works. Not only getting the advice, using the Internet also can cluster those people who have the same interest. They are able to form a club or forum, discussing and sharing some excellent ideas on it regardless of the different countries they live. In other words, technology pulls whole world closer and offers people a place to interact and exchange their thoughts. Therefore, children can enhance their creativity by absorbing others viewpoints, internalizing it as a resource of inspiration.

To sum up, technology can not only be a useful tool to create special works, but also offer a place to involve those children to share their unique ideas. It is as plain as a pike staff that in such process the kids will be more creative and learn more knowledge and skill by interacting with other people. Thus, I hold that the technology does not restrain the creativity, in contrast,it definitely boosts it up.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Jan 22, 2011   #2
You don't need any advice or correction. Your English is already perfect. You write with correct grammar, and most people who speak English as a first language can't do that. It is great, and we are lucky to have you participating here.

I'll make a little suggestion:

Not only getting th In addition to getting advice, using the Internet also can cluster those people who have the same interest.

Your writing is not only correct, but also poetic and eloquent.
Because you do not need grammar advice, I'll give you advice about argument. If you want to be persuasive, consider the arguments that would be made by someone who disagrees with you, and explain why those arguments are not better than your argument.
OP student7 5 / 14  
Jan 27, 2011   #3
Wow~ Thanks for your compliment:D

I never thought that I can get such comment before!!

Your words really encourage me!!

Well, I guess that I'll keep writing, even though I already finished Toefl test.

btw, the advice you gave is helpful,
since it enables me to make the sounder and more logical arguments.

^^
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Feb 1, 2011   #4
You don't need any advice or correction. Your English is already perfect.

Ha ha, Yes, I see what she means...
Usually when the essay says TOEFL the English is not good, but your English is good!

One way to improve is like this:
boosts it. up . --You never need to say boost it up. Just say boost it.

Now you can make the essay even stronger. Google this: refute the counter-argument
That is a good trick for writing an argumentative essay.

:-0)
OP student7 5 / 14  
Feb 10, 2011   #5
Thank you^^

I received the score today, and I got GG for the writing part!
(G means good ^^)
The method to refute the counter-argument is useful~

So lucky I can get the feedback from Susan and you. ^^


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