IELTS; Technology cannot solve all the world's problems!

Hello everyone! I am a new member of this forum. I really love studying English and want to improve my writing skill. So I would be very appreciative if you could give some comments on my essays.

Topic:We live in a technological age. However, technology cannot solve all the world's problems. Therefore, some people argue that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more on other values. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You should use your own idea, knowledge and experience to support your argument with examples and relevant evidence.

In our modern times, with the development of science and technology, our living standard has been improved beyond recognition. Technology, however, is not the best solution to all the world's intricate problems. Accordingly, it is believed that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more on other values, such as economy, politics and education. Personally, I partly disagree with this point of view, and the reasons are given below.

To begin with, it should be borne in mind that technology plays an integral part in our lives. With the invention of computers and the Internet, we now can get easy access to all kinds of information. In addition, hi-tech devices also have a very positive impact on many aspects of our lives. They help us to work and study more efficiently, thus leading to an improvement in our abilities. Medical advances can improve our health and cure many fatal diseases. Besides, modern technology enables us to predict natural disasters much faster and more accurately, so we can reduce the number of deaths and property damage.

However, there are some serious problems springing from modern technology. First, deadly and powerful weapons can be a huge threat to the world's peace. Second, a lot of people spend too much time using hi-tech devices nowadays. They abuse them so severely that they feel they can hardly live without them. This can have a detrimental effect on their health, since they are likely to develop many dangerous diseases, including obesity, heart attack and high blood-pressure.

In conclusion, although there is no disputing the fact that technology is very crucial for our lives, in can also result in several negative drawbacks. However, I strongly believe that its advantages clearly outweigh its disadvantages, and that it can contribute greatly to the development of the world. Therefore, scientists should not place less emphasis on technological solutions, but try to pay more attention to develop new technologies instead.

(322 words)

This is a very good introduction except for the last sentence;


... the latter part does not add any value :(

Thank you very much for your advice, Pahan :D

You had better rephrase this part. For example:
Other values such as economy, politics and education should be given more priority than technological solutions.


This sentence is not related to the topic.


I feel that this paragraph is not really aligned with the topic. You just listed some disadvantages of technological advances instead of explaining why technology can't solve every problem and why other values should be given more attention. This makes your essay more like a discussion essay than a argumentative essay.

Hi, I am learning English as well, and I think you have very good English and high vocabulary skills.


Regarding this kind of essay question, I read some online articles. It seems like we can choose one of the following approach when writing essay:

a) 'argument essay' (that discuss only one side), or
b) 'discussion essay' (that discuss both sides but in conclusion we either agree or disagree)

Although it is sometimes suggested that 'argument type essay' that only support one side is more easier to plan the supporting ideas for one side rather than both side, it is ok to write as 'discussion essay' style.

Personally, I facing this dilemma in choosing the style as well since I can only think of one supporting idea. Therefore, I choose the discussion style, with one support and one refute, and in conclusion, I express my opinion.

I am not sure if this is appropriate way as well.

MisterWandering: Thank you so much :) Your comment is very helpful!

asmy: I also often choose the discussion style, but I usually express my opinion in the Introduction like the structure mentioned above by Pahan.

Hi
I have an admin request for you - Provide a more meaningful topic for your essay in the subject when you open a fresh thread. It is a forum rule. This titled is attended by me.

Overall, I think you have very good writing skills. Pahan has provided you with very good advice and it helps you align your essay with task requirements, in other words you can earn a good score by following that structure. Good luck with IELTS!

Hi ,
I think in the argument essay , it is better to mention whether you agree or disagree, whereas in the discussion essay only give your opinion after analyzing both sides