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Technology; the stronger and closer people interaction (IELTS WT2 CAM 8)


Katy Curie 5 / 7 7  
Oct 10, 2014   #1
Topic:
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? (Cambridge IELTS 8 Test 2)

My essay:
Technology has always been the most creative area of human being and it will continue to lead this world by creation. It seems that the global is becoming smaller than ever when people can interact with each other in numerous ways. Definitely this is how different types of relationships are affected, and it is sure that this development benefits pur society with positive ramifications.

The clearest evidence is seen in the stronger and closer interaction between governments and people. The Internet has provided states with tools to create online governmental websites, from which would-be policies are more touchable to their people and viewpoints on this are collected more effectively than a traditional campaign. The recent referendum in the UK over the Scotland independence is a wonderful example when many websites rushed to get as many comments from the British as possible. The result shows its efficiency as politicians could use it to analyze what to do next. Clearly, the bond between the policymakers and citizens are closer in relation to technology.

Another positive impact of technology on social relationships can be traced to business. It is certain that nowadays social media is playing a key role in marketing strategies of enterprises. Because people use social network more and more frequently, social media helps a business to increase interaction with its current consumers and to attract potential customers, hence boosting sales and profit. Recently, the viral advertising video of Pantene-Unilever has become a phenomenon on the Internet and the speed of sharing this video is faster and faster hour by hour. A lot more consumers has turned to use Pantene shampoo after watching this video. Therefore, such multi-national companies as Unilever will efficiently develop their scales by utilizing this online interaction channel.

In conclusion, today technology is becoming more and more essential in our lives. People enjoy this development positively, which helps to create a better connected world and to benefit all types of relationships in society. It is hoped that in the future, technology will be more advanced, improving our lives quality in its favorable ways.

Please mark my essay. Thank you a lot! xD

Moodykhedr 2 / 6 2  
Oct 10, 2014   #2
Overall, you have a strong essay and stand point. But, you have to indicate the fact that you are stating that it is a positive impact on people's life from the beginning, because I got a little confused as you were writing about the goverment-websites point. And Is there a word-count? I would show one more example if you can write a little more on positive affect of technology. Also, make sure that you conclusion is strong and concise. You might want to raise a question on technology, or what the world would be without it.
OP Katy Curie 5 / 7 7  
Oct 10, 2014   #3
Thank you very much, Moodykhedr. I will correct my mistakes and write this essay again. ^^
Ah, the "states" I used was about "governments", not the US. I won't use it anymore :)


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