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[IELTS] Technology supports working from home


Jun 12, 2014   #1
Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers.

Since 3 decades ago, technologies have changed people's life. Some sophisticated technologies allow employers to work at home rather than go to office. While this is true, I would claim that these modern devices, computers and modems, create problem in some tasks.

On the one hand, working at home by using technologies can be done for some office employers. An obvious example of this can be seen from Bob Sadino, the owner of modern supermarket "Kimchick", is sending email from home to their business partners. He utilizes a computer and modem to interact with all Kimchick's staffs, and monitors monetary transaction of cash register. He has much quality time to take breakfast and lunch with family and provides flexibility to work anywhere event in the oversea. If labors go to office, they have to spend the cost of transport and cannot control their children's academic progress. Obviously, working at home supplies efficiency and flexibility.

On the other hand, technologies sometimes have more of a hindrance than a help for workers in regular communication with colleague. The internet, for instance, needs large networking such as towers and fiber optic to transmit the data. In the obvious fact, Indonesia where does not have enough complex technology infrastructure is not lending an access for businessman/woman to integrate into the team in the different area. Second problem is technologies cannot change employ's figure to discuss and deal with stakeholder for win-win solution. It can be seen in dept that technologies have a gap for several duties.

In conclusion, it seems to me that technologies help workers to work from home, but several jobs cannot be done by using technology.

Jun 12, 2014   #2
I have to say, I love your essay! Very well written, rich vocab, clearly organized! Here are just minor mistakes:

On the other hand, technologies may sometimes behave more of a hindrance than a help for workers in regular communication with colleague. The internet, for instance, needs large networking such as towers and fiber optic to transmit the data. In the obvious fact, Indonesia where does not have enough complex technology ( is this technology or technological ? ) infrastructure is not lending an access for businessman/woman to integrate intowith the team in the different areas . Second problem is technologies cannot change employ's figure to discuss and deal with stakeholder for win-win solution. It can be seen in dept that technologies have a gap for several duties.

Er can you explain "employ's figure" for me? I don't know what it means :) And by the way, can you tell me where you grab those useful examples :-? I really don't know where to find ones when writting essays :) I really love how you use them.

Maybe the conclusion is a bit short? You should include how it helps workers work from home:

Obviously, working at home supplies efficiency and flexibility.

and why many tasks can't be done:

regular communication

Hope this will help :)
Jun 12, 2014   #3
Hallo Salmon,

can you tell me where you grab those useful examples :-?

I just remember what my teacher said that I should explain the real story as the example.

Maybe the conclusion is a bit short? You should include how it helps workers work from home:

Ya, you are right that i should give some suggestions.

Thanks in advance.
Maybe the conclusion is a bit short?

SalMon is right.
you need more work for the conclusion.
A good concluding paragraph:
1. summaries the main points of the essay
2. restate the thesis (using different words)
3. makes a final comment about the essay's main idea
4. may emphasize an action that you would like the reader to take.
Jun 12, 2014   #5
you need more work for the conclusion.

Hello Eddies,

This is my new conclusion and I really need your suggestion. Thank you so much.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the technological advancements support workers to work from home and office workers should be engaged on working home with the coexistence of computers and modems. However, technologies cannot replace employers' figure and cannot complete several jobs. As a result, I believe that working home is recommended, but it is not always best method for setting some duties.


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