Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

Technology is the tool that reinforce people to get numerous knowledge overnight


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 9, 2014   #1
Technology help students to learn more and quickly. Agree or disagree.

Technology has always become a most pivotal utility because it provides us with tremendous amount of knowledge. Furthermore, it has sped up our searching information process. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement.

Technology has been able to connect many people around the world. In fact, people are the source of the information. As a corollary, technology has created for us a virtual world which contains an abundance of knowledge.

[...]

vincenm 11 / 26  
Nov 9, 2014   #2
I find all the paras in the essay okay except for the 2nd one. I couldn't even wrap my head around it.

Can you give a better situation to prove your point instead of those bats? I found grammatical erros too in that para.

I suggest that you use an anecdote of how tech did wonders for you.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 9, 2014   #3
I need more advice!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 9, 2014   #4
Shon, there is actually another way to write this essay in a much simpler manner. Simply agree with the statement and then reinforce your stance by using the current learning methods of students. Explain how technology has leveled the learning field between teachers and students. These days, information is merely a Google search away for students so the teachers need to always be on their toes and try to always know more than the students. Technology is the tool by which students have managed to become as learned as their teachers in almost all aspects of learning. You can also explain that students learn more quickly with the help of technology because they are allowed to learn their lessons using a method of learning that they are comfortable with. Learning using technology has made learning a fun activity. The internet has videos, games, and interactive chat rooms where people who wish to talk about a certain topic can gather and learn more than just the fundamentals of a topic. Try to discuss the essay from that point of view using the evidence I suggested and it should make the essay work better :-)
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 9, 2014   #5
Louisa Mae, i have just rewritten my essay.

Technology has always played a leading role when it comes to students. In fact, utilizing technologies is the ideal learning method because it helps and encourages students to study more and more in many ways. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement and this essay will present some of the reasons to clear all my beliefs out.

Today, as a result of technologies, students are getting more and more knowledgeable, since technologies facilitate the process of learning by accelerating the speed of searching for a new information. In fact, teachers now are the people who have to worry about themselves because ,nowadays, students can easily surpass their master by utilizing technologies. Consequently, these days' teachers should always be in touch with the current events. Otherwise, students will be able to catch them up or even exceed them. To clarify, envision yourself being a typical student, obviously, you possess the Internet, thus whenever you need to learn something, then you will just need to click and type a few times in order to find the answer for it.

Moreover, leaning process has become a fun activity for many students due to technologies. The internet, for example, has an abundance of games and interactive rooms to entertain or to discuss about a definite topic. People who desires to learn more than just the basis can use them to broaden their mind. Since, there are also a plenty of people who have the same goal which is expanding the current knowledge. Furthermore,, by using technologies you can share your knowledge and secrets to many people and it works the opposite way as well when people will reveal some of their secrets and sharing with you their knowledge. Therefore, it is a win-win situation.

The aforementioned reasons examine that technologies has facilitated the learning process for tremendous students by reducing the amount of time of finding a new source information. Furthermore, technologies have been considered as a fun place for a large group of students to obtain more knowledge.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 9, 2014   #6
Shon, I found some problems with the essay that need to be addressed. Let's see if we can get this more polished shall we? :-)

Technology has always played a leading role when it comes to students.

-... to students education .

In fact, utilizingtechnologies is the ideal learning method because it helps and encourages students to study more and more in many ways.

- Learning through technology is the ideal...

Today, as a result of technologies, students are getting more and more knowledgeable,

In fact,teachers now are the people who have to worry about themselves because ,nowadays , students can easily surpass their master by utilizing technologies.

- Teachers now have to worry ...

Consequently,these days' teachers should always be in touch with the current events.

Moreover, leaning process has become a fun activity for many students due to technologies.

- The learning process...

The internet, for example, has an abundance of games and interactive rooms to entertain or to discuss about a definite topic.

People who desires to learn more than just the basis can use them to broaden their mind.

-... more than just the basics ...

Furthermore,, by using technologies you can

- By using technologies...

Shon, I have decided to let your writing style remain in order to help you understand why you need to improve your writing abilities. I hope you take note of the corrections I mentioned while you are revising this essay :-) You are showing some improvement already so keep it up :-)
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 10, 2014   #7
Louisa Mae, thanks for your constant feedbacks. It seems like you want me to use less those words such as in fact, however, as a result. So, i wonder if I utilize them less, then will it boost my score ?
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 10, 2014   #8
Shon, it will certainly boost your essay score because it will show that you are comfortable with the English language, since you did not use those common filler words, and you are confident in your knowledge of the prompt provided. By always answering the essay in a direct manner, you show an authority over the use of the written language. Using those filler words are equivalent to saying "Uhm..." in the spoken English language. Those words are used by people who are trying to delay what they want to say because they either have nothing to say or they know that their reasoning is weak. The use of those words also change the tone of the essay from academic to confrontation in certain instances (depending upon the topic being discussed) which is why I always ask that it be omitted in essay writing as much as possible. Those words are also used to just fill the page, it adds to your word count when you are uncertain about your discussion and deducts important word count when you are absolutely confident about your discussion. Do you understand what I am trying to point out? Feel free to ask more questions if you have any. I am more than happy to answer them for you :-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Technology is the tool that reinforce people to get numerous knowledge overnight