Technology and traditional values coexistence

Please kindly help me improve my IELTS writing. Thank you very much for your help.

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (At least 250 words - IELTS essay)

how to protect our tradition?

It has been argued by many that the development of technology has a strong correlation with the extinction of traditional values. Although modern technology and tradition are two contrast values to some extent, the co-existence of the both values should be considered essential.

The first reason is that the preservation of traditional values is strongly promoted by the state-of-the-art technology. In fact, cultural heritage of a nation is promoted by the emergence of online platforms. For instance, since the traditional products made by the ethnic minorities in Vietnam have been recently introduced by social media, an increase in the number of tourists who visited Vietnam has been witnessed for the last 5 years. The growing technology, in addition, has contributed to the preservation of traditional values. For illustrative purposes, if the Vietnamese government did not use the advanced technology to undertake the restoration work of Notre Dame Cathedral, the young generation would not have a chance to visit the place in their lifetime.

Secondly, the co-operation of both traditional values and technology is considered essential for the economic development of any nation. First, by using latest technology, tourism companies are able to generate higher income from tourists in terms of cultural activities and related services. For example, in the era of digital technology, the 3D platform has been applied in numerous activities of cultural experiences, which attracts more customers and generates higher revenue. The application of technology in the preservation of traditional values, moreover, will bring significant benefits for the growth of any industry. There is an increasing trend of using technology in the mass production of traditional products, which increased the quantities of exported goods of Vietnam by 30% in the last 3 years, according to the latest report conducted by Department of High Technology of Vietnam.

In conclusion, modern technology and traditional values should exist together because of a variety of aforementioned reasons. The government should undertake strategic plans to protect traditions by using latest forms of technology.

Word count: 329 words

Long, you are writing an essay that is running counter to the prompt requirement. You in effect, created your own prompt for discussion in the essay. Have a look at this comparison of the original discussion instruction and the response that you created for your opinion essay:

Original: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: Although modern technology and tradition are two contrast values to some extent, the co-existence of the both values should be considered essential.

By comparing the original discussion instruction with your thesis statement, it becomes clear to the examiner that you will not be discussing the prompt in the required manner because you did not fully understand the simple instruction given for the discussion. This is a single opinion essay based on an emotional extent response. You did not provide that in your opening paraphrase thesis statement. As such, the rest of your discussion points thoroughly missed the mark as well. So your score may either be considered tangential in response or totally irrelevant to the discussion topic. The examiner will have to make that call in this case.

Personally, i think your essay is really quite good. However, i think you just need to repeat your opinion above instead mentioning st new like suggestion. it's just my opinion.