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The TEDTalk summary regarding education. Writing flows and checking grammar.


aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
Sep 29, 2015   #1
Hallo,
I have summarized the TEDTalk regarding education.
I need your help in order to improve my writing flows and grammatical accuracy.

Education gives rise to be better future-life. However, it is inevitable that some educators across the world are not of a tendency for teaching in rural areas as there are some possibilities which bring about dire consequence for them and this circumstance is happened in mostly developing countries. The speaker is in an attempt to head to countryside in India in which they could not probably obtain well education in order to carry out some research. In slum areas of New Delhi, India, the speaker embedded a high-speed computer which can presumably be operated by children. By doing so, over the course of a couple of months, the students have an ability to speak and understand English as a foreign language and this event is happened in other rural areas of India.

In addition to this, the speaker was in an effort to educate the pupils in some part of India concerning on biotechnology by utilizing the computer during two months and the machine are operated in English. At the first glance he checked to the place, students could not understand. However, after completing a couple of months, they have an insight regarding this issue. As computer can teach students, he concludes that students can educate themselves by using technology on condition that they are of a huge interest.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 29, 2015   #2
Asep, while you really presented a good summary, the grammar issues really abound. The sentences are not formed properly so the information sometimes leads the reader to think about what you are trying to say before they can really come to comprehend your thoughts. I'll be revising your whole essay below:

Education gives rise to A better future-life. However, it IT is inevitable that some educators across the world are not of a DO NOT HAVE A tendency for TO teaching in rural areas as there are some possibilities which bring about dire consequence for them. and this THESE circumstance is happened in mostly developing countries. The speaker is in an ATTEMPTED to head to THE countryside in India in which WHERE STUDENTS they could not probably obtain well A GOOD education in order to carry out some research. In THE slum areas of New Delhi, India, the speaker embedded a high-speed computer which THAT can presumably be operated by children. By doing so, over the course of a couple of months, the students have GAINED an ability to speak and understand English as a foreign language . and this THIS event is happened in other rural areas of India.

In addition to this, the speaker was MADE in an effort to educate the pupils in some part of India concerning on biotechnology by utilizing the computer during FOR two months and the machine are WAS operated in English. At the first glance , WHEN he checked to the place, students could not understand. However, after completing a couple of months, they have GAINED an insight regarding this issue. As A computer can teach students, he concludes CONCLUDED that students can educate themselves by using technology on condition THE that they ARE INTERESTED IN THE FIELD.

Take note of the grammatical corrections and bear them in mind as you write your next essay. We need to develop your sentence structure skills :-)


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