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TEDX Finding work you love dont Follow your passion


BAMS14 18 / 29  
Sep 23, 2016   #1
Finding work you love dont Follow your passion

Most people in the world hard choosing career, because it is complexes problem. Rightnow many people Focuses on wrong thing, they can not find out the best way. Majority people have same strategy to got best career, such as following their parents and following money to get passion.

On the other side, several society have different way, likes find out passion match first before get success and fullfilling career after success. Based on the research academic during three years, That is reserved with reasearch data, particularly data can give us information that presentation people have passion does not match with their career. Generally People get different career with their passion. From the data we can see what we should do to get best career. We should doing valuable thing and avoid useless activity. focus on valuable thing anything that can give us advantages to improve skills. Doing important activity and focus to three part, firstly explore skills, secondly get good flexible skills, and the third solve pressing problems. Those are clear and concrete way to get work you love it. For example, the boy doing valuable thing such as reasearch, study hard, business, etc. without leave their passion to get best career.

sinahector 7 / 34  
Sep 23, 2016   #2
Hi
Most people in the world face the hard time of choosing career
because it is a complex problem
Majority of people have
to get best career
several societies
different ways
particular data can give us information

I think you should practice more and check your essay several times.
I am trying to write better essays by reading samples. I suggest that you do the same.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 23, 2016   #3
Hi Bams, I believe this is my first review of your essay and I hope my insights and additional remarks help.

- Most people in the world fin it hard in choosing career,
- because it is a complexes problemsituation . - Rightnow many peoplePeople tend to focusFocuses
- on the wrong thing,
- they can notcan't seem to find out the best way.
- Majority of the people havedevelop the
- same strategy to gotget the best career,
- following the money to getcreate and find their passion.

There you have it Bams, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay. What I'm trying to understand is that, you seem to find your sentences to be complete when they're not,in a complete sentence, their's quiet a lot of factors to consider, one of them are minor details such as the punctuation marks, the spacing and most importantly the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers. I hope you find the above examples of modifying your essay is helpful in your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know.
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Sep 25, 2016   #4
Most people in the world hard choosing ...
=>Most people in the world confront a difficulty to find out their future career because it is a complex problem.
you do not need to use comma in this kind of sentence
you also cannot add 'es' in an adjective word


Rightnow many people Focuses on wrong thing,
=> these days many people only focus on such a wrong thing
you are not allowed to write a capital letter like that

Majority of people have a same strategy to gotachieve the best career,
i suggest you to use word forms more properly
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Sep 25, 2016   #5
Hi Bams,

Here some corrections which i find :
- Most people in the world have a hard time (...) it is a complexcomplexes problem. Right now many people are focuses on the wrong thing,...

... strategy to got the best career, (...) and following money to get passion.
- ..., several societyIES have different wayS , likes find out (...) before getgetting success and fulfilling ...
..., That is reserved with reasearchresearch data, particularly data which can give us information ...
We should doingdo valuable thing and ...

Hopefully it helps.


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