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This Teenager Just Came Out to Her Family at Disneyland in the Most Amazing Way - Summary Article


ibal28 20 / 30 5  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
Gina as an adolescent from California who spend her vacation in the Disneyland would like to surprised her family. She was confused with the kind of the surprise but she braves herself to prove with a grateful ways. She prepares this impulse by the long time, because she does not really know how to surprise her mother, father and brother. She is the kind of woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up her immediate family how really she love them by give the memorable time. Gina sent the picture when she has a journey in Splash Mountain of Disneyland's watery as one of her decision. Her family, especially her mother is very pleasant to get the picture. Gina's family believes that her daughter is so happy there to spend her vacation. The other people who saw the picture also fascinated with that, due to the picture so cute awesome and have the greatest comment from social media users.

Gian16 2 / 6  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Gina as an adolescent from California who ... ( Gina is adolescent, who comes from California spending he vacation in Disneyland)
She was confused with the kind of the surprise ... ( She wanted to surprise, but she still confused about the present, that she wants to give)

She prepares this impulse by the long time, because ... ( She prepares the planning well, because she does not know, how to impress her families)
She is the kind of woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up ... ( Gina is always frightening moment, when she wants to show her love to her family)
ALMAJID14 5 / 5  
Sep 13, 2016   #3
Gina as an adolescent from California who spend her vacation (...) would like to surprised her family.
... she braves herself to prove with a grateful ways .
... how to surprise her mother, father and brother .
... woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up her immediate family how really she love them by give the memorable time.

Please pay attention about ( singular and plural, gerund, preposition and use of complex sentence.
Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Sep 14, 2016   #4
Hi Bali, it's my pleasure to share regarding writing since I'm not a good writer as well. So please kindly write some comments on my Thead. The followings are my humble opinions, not about grammar, only a few things related to flow and meaning.

this sentence: "She was confused with the kind of the surprise" resembles to this one: "She prepares this impulse by the long time, because she does not really know how to surprise her mother, father and brother." It is a kind of repetition, different in form but stay the same in meaning.

Thank you.
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Sep 14, 2016   #5
hello ibal, thak you very much for your really interesting essay and i appreciate for your effort to do that. but i have some suggestion for you, to make your essay more good and colorful.

at the first sentence, i think your sentence is too long and make the reader unsatisfied with yours. it is better to you to make a space between introduction about subject and would he/she like to do. i suggest to use like "Gina as an adolescent from California who spend her vacation in the Disneyland. She want to make a surprised for her family."

i believe in your capability and also keep practice to make your essay more good!


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