IELTS TASK2:Teenagers encouraged to work part-time.Good or bad?

Hi, as always I am looking forward to receive your feedback and suggestions...

TASK:In some countries, teenagers are encouraged to work part-time. Some people say this is good thing while others say it is bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is observed that young people in some countries are advised to gain experience through temporary jobs as it is beneficial not only to themselves but also to their families. On the contrary, others including myself regard this as undesirable since the negative impacts caused outweigh its positive impacts.

People in favor to this practice claim that, allowing individuals to experience and feel being in a working environment at an early age would give them a better perspective on what they would want for their future career. Furthermore, being able to discover and learn one's skills earlier would give them enough time to develop it. Other than that, the money they will earn would be a great help to support their financial needs while studying.

However, there are some who oppose to this idea because it imposes a grave threat to a person's education. Teenagers tend to be complacent whenever they experience financial independence from their parents. Thus, usually situations end up having them disregard the importance of education. Aside from that, having a part-time job causes delay in one's education since time needs to be divided for work and studies. Students who want to have an ideal load at school while having a job are bound to receive lower grades as a result.

In my opinion, at a teenager level, one's primary focus should be schooling. If a person has the necessary resources to support himself in being a full-time student then he should not allow any disruption to finish his course as early as possible. It is undeniable that having a part-time job brings good things but since it is harmful to a person's education then I am strongly against it.

experience and feel being in aexperience being in a
what they would want for their future careerwhat they want as their future career
oppose to this idea oppose this ideasupport himself in being a full-time student support him/herself as a full-time student

... this sentence is a bit too long;
People who are in favor of gap year claim that it gives an opportunity for the students to gain valuable experience and skills to be successful in their future careers.

You need to support these reasons with specific examples. That helps you earn marks :)

I agree to your statement, it would make my essay stronger too.

Apart from that, I have always wanted to ask you guys about this type of scenario wherein a task didn't mention to give examples, would I loose points if I do not provide one?

hope anyone can feedback...